Clark's Caledonia

Mike Clark writes about some of Scotland's rich heritage - legend, landscape and landmarks...

Gralloching a Pumpkin: "When I was a bairn, in the north east of Scotland, we had never heard of pumpkins. With the advent of colour television last year, I realised neeps had competition. In black and white, you can't tell the difference." Mike Clark takes a look at the origins of Halloween and the traditional celebrations running into Guy Fawkes Night.
The Twenty Forty-Five: "Bored now, Prince Shuggie tossed the paperback onto the cheap plastic table. Like he cared that cheap plastic tables were banned. He'd inherited it from his grandfather. It was his legacy." In a short story, Mike Clark presents his nightmare vision of a re-run of the "Forty-Five" Rebellion - three centuries on.
Clarkie's Orkney Tour April 2005: "Stromness is sheltered from the west, and thence from the prevailing wind, and with the sun shining it was an absolute pleasure to wander through the tiny streets. It is so narrow, you expect it to be pedestrianised, but every so often you have to clamber into a doorway to let a car past. Vans with dents and scratches on the sides are everywhere." Mike takes a day trip across the Pentland Firth to Orkney.
Walking Through Time: "By the time I had negotiated the single track road, given way to a few sheep, and reached the small, isolated car park, the haar had become merely a haze. I had arrived at the start of the Yarrows Archaeological Trail. The Trail is managed by Highland Council, and I picked up an excellent guide leaflet from the dispenser by the gate. I knew this was going to be three hours or more of rough walking, and the sun was getting warmer by the minute, so I packed some drinks and a sandwich along with the camera." Mike (and his big bouncy dog) explore the Yarrows Trail in Caithness.
An Uplift for a Saggy Pair: "What do the adjacent castles of Sinclair and Girnigoe, on the outskirts of Wick, Caithness, have in common with The Valley of the Kings and the Great Wall of China?" How the World Monuments Fund is drawing attention to the imminent collapse of two historic Caithness castles.
Crooked Mary Part 1: "The year is 1798. The date, December the eighteenth. The notorious lugger Crooked Mary is sighted in the afternoon, and the message quickly carried from door to door. A run will take place after dark. All other activity stops. The run is the ultimate priority." Part One - a story of smugglers off Scotland's northeastern coast, and how they met their comeuppance.
Crooked Mary Part 2: "The previous evening, the lugger Crooked Mary had landed her cargo of contraband. Now, under cover of darkness, the fisherwomen of Collieston put their creels to good use and began the trek to Ward, laden with gin." Part Two - the sequel: the villagers of Collieston attempt to spirit away their booty.
How Many Duncans Does It Take To Build A Castle?: Mike looks back at the long and proud history of one of Aberdeenshire's finest castles.
You Would Think A Castle Would Have An Indoor Loo: "The North East of Scotland is home to a veritable feast of castles, both restored and in ruins. One which has been restored to its former glory is the Castle of Fyvie." Mike describes Fyvie Castle, owned and built by five families, including its own stately outhouse...
Culloden Was Won In The Kyle Of Tongue: "I strolled around the shore of Lochan Hakel hoping to see something glittering in the water. Briefly, I did, but it was only the flash of a trout as it surrendered with a final flourish to a delighted angler. No sign of Prince Charlie's gold, I'm afraid." Mike tells the story of a shipwreck off the northwestern coast which may have sealed Bonnie Prince Charlie's fate at Culloden.
We May Have Been Amused: "Droves of cattle once made the strength-sapping journey from the Highlands of Scotland over the Eastern Cairngorms to the markets of Crieff and Falkirk. The Highland weather was just too severe for over-wintering cattle. They were sold in the autumn to lowland farmers with more sheltered pastures." Take a hike along the old drovers' paths around Loch Muick in the Eastern Cairngorms.
I Am More Than Just An Inflatable Woman: "It's not often I get email from a monster. And I would have ignored it, had it not contained such a heartfelt plea. But the obvious pain and suffering incurred in the arduous use of the keyboard with webbed feet, brought a tear to my eye. And the genuine love for Loch Ness and its environs struck a chord, as did the plea for peace and quiet,..." Mike Clark shares the heartfelt plea he received by email from the Loch Ness Monster.
A Beggar and his Castle: "It doesn't immediately attract the eye. Ruined and untidy. No car parks or coffee shops. No manicured lawns and flags flying. Sorry. But this is history in the raw." Mike Clark visits Pitsligo Castle and tells the tale of the last Laird.
Ring Of Bright Otters: "Someone who cared had placed a bunch of wild bluebells on Edal's memorial plaque. They were wilting now, in the midday summer sun. But they had lost none of their poignancy." Mike takes a moving look back at the life and work of Gavin Maxwell, the tragic events of his last years, and a society that no longer cares.
The Sailor of Sandwood Bay: "Of course, I'd heard about the ghost of the Bearded Sailor. And so many people had said, 'If you're going to the North West of Scotland, you must go to Sandwood Bay.' I was half expecting a burger van and an ice cream stall, and 'Coaches by Appointment'." Mike Clark visits Sandwood Bay in search of the ghost of the Bearded Sailor.
The Mirage Of The North: "Wick is like a mirage, when you've been driving up the A9 for ever and ever. Just as you think maybe you'll reach the end of the world and drop off the edge before you see civilisation again, the road straightens, and falls away slightly in front of you. And in the distance you see roofs and spires and towers floating on clouds." Mike visits the Far North of the Scottish mainland to see the amazing floating town of Wick.