A Dose of Zen
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- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either; just leave me the hell alone.
- The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tyre.
- It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
- Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
- No one is listening until you make a mistake.
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
- It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
- It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
- If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
- Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
- If you lend someone a tenner, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
- If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
- Some days you are the fly, some days you are the windscreen.
- Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
- Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
- The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
- Timing has a great deal to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
- A closed mouth gathers no foot.
- Duct tape is like the Force; it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
- There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
- Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
- Never miss a good chance to shut up.
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