Clark In The Park: A Pine To Piddle Against
"In my new garden, which is in fact a piece of wasteland with a fence round it, I have no trees. I possess only a few stunted and windswept hawthorn and elder. Barely half a mile from the Pentland Firth, whence the north wind blows uninterrupted straight from the Arctic Circle, this is not exactly a horticultural paradise." From the bleak, wind-swept reaches of Caithness's northern coast, Mike tells us about one of Scotland's most distinctive trees - the Scots Pine - and some of its cousins.
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Clark In The Park: Gin, Whisky And Juniper
"Juniper berries have long been the traditional base for flavouring gin, as you are no doubt already aware. But the connection with whisky... Patience. Let me talk about the plants first." As the Northern Hemisphere summer draws to a close, Mike mulls over the juniper - a plant with strong associations with log fires and the dram...
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Clark In The Park: How To Grow Chips
"If I stopped a few random people in the street, and asked if they could name any varieties of potatoes, I bet I'd get a fair proportion of "Roast, Mash, Chips or (maybe) Duchesse". I doubt if I'd get many Edzell Blues or Pentland Javelins." Mike considers the humble spud - and tells you how you, too, can have fresh new potatoes at Christmas.
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Clark In The Park: The Versatile Björk
"Needless to say, like all Scotland's native trees, birch in the wild has declined markedly over the last two centuries. Considered a "weed" among trees by commercial foresters, birch woodland has been felled and cleared to make way for coniferous timber crops. Yet it is still one our most abundant trees, relatively speaking. " Mike waxes rhapsodic about a tree you can drink. Tree-hugging? More like tree-glugging!
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Clark In The Park: It's Latin, But It's All Greek To Me
"For some reason, many gardeners, whether novice or old hands, have a mental block when it comes to botanical (or Latin) names. Let me try to remove the mystery." All those Latin terms for plants explained at last!
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Clark In The Park: Take Me Home, Country Rhodies
"Oh, but I know rhododendrons are only the tip of the iceberg at Inverewe. (And for my gardening friends who thought Iceberg was a lettuce, let me tell you it's a metaphor.) But I have seen some wonderful gardens in my time - this is my sad little hobby - and if anything out there compares with Inverewe at rhododendron time, I have yet to find it." Would you believe that Britain's best rhododendron garden is to be found further north than Inverness?
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Clark In The Park: Robert Burns Night DIY
"You will require four basic ingredients, all of which need some careful advance planning. But all four can be home produced. Which, you must admit, adds a certain something to the occasion." In celebration of britishexpat.com's first birthday, Mike tells you how to grow your own haggis!
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Clark In The Park: Pareto on Pruning
"I hate books on pruning. I have a pet - and probably very cynical - theory, that on the basis that big books sell for more money than little books, gardening writers conspire to perpetuate the myth that pruning is complicated. And write big expensive books on the subject." Scared to prune? Don't be! Mike exposes the conspiracy that's been keeping gardening authors in royalties for years...
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Clark In The Park: Having Witch Problems?
"Rowan is the most immediately-recognised of the Sorbus family, and, in its many varieties, it remains one of the most popular garden trees. Yes, even in this day and age, when the myths and superstitions are long forgotten. Or are they? Could it be that, deep in the subconscious, the properties of the rowan so revered by our forebears, still linger? Could that be why so many of us instinctively select a member of the rowan family for our garden?" Mike Clark discusses the mythology of the rowan tree, and why it's so good to have one in your garden.
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Clark In The Park: Currant Affairs
"Contrary to the myth promulgated by our southern gardening friends, who seem to dominate both TV and the gardening magazines, it is not too late to take hardwood cuttings." Ever wanted to grow currant bushes in your garden? Mike tells you how to take and grow from hardwood cuttings...
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Clark In The Park: Gardener's Question Time (?)
Mike's toured the globe (at his own expense) to investigate the gardening problems which keep world leaders awake at night...
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Clark In The Park: Holly Comes Out At Christmas!
"So many people come to me with the question, 'Why does my holly never produce berries?' And the answer is sex. There are male hollies and female hollies." This month, Mike talks about sex. Or how to make sure your holly has berries.
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Clark In The Park: Not Always What They're Cracked Up To Be
"First, let's consider the containers themselves, and their suitability for the winter elements. And secondly, the effects of harsh winter weather on containerised plants." Responding to the demands of his fan club, Mike gives us the low-down on how your containerised plants can survive the winter.
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Clark In The Park: Never Underestimate Number Twos
"The average garden is seriously deficient in humus and organic matter. We work our plots and borders year after year, expecting them to perform to our ever increasing demands with the occasional addition of some chemical fertiliser to which the manufacturer appends the epithet "Miracle", or similar." Mike talks a pile of crap! Why is natural compost so much better than artificial fertilisers? Read on...
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Clark In The Park: No Flies On My Carrot
"Yes, my thoughts turned to spring, and sowing time. Well, actually, I forced my thoughts to turn to spring, because I'm snowed in again, and gardening seems an age away at the moment. But since all the gardening programmes on the telly tell you to do things way in advance of the optimum time, 'cos each wants to be first; and the Garden Centres stock plants well ahead of season for the same reason, to steal a march (March!) on their rivals; why should I be any different?" To celebrate Mike's first anniversary with British Expat, he goes back to his roots with an exposé of how to grow champion-standard carrots.
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Clark In The Park: Smell The Honey
"What can be more alluring than the scent of honeysuckle wafting round your garden after a summer shower? A drop of rain always seems to make the scent more pronounced. Not reason enough in itself to wish for rain, of course - we had plenty of that last year." Thought it was too early to start thinking about the northern summer? No chance! Mike lets us in on an easy way to get the garden looking - and smelling - its best...
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Clark In The Park: Survival Of The Fattest
"It's winter. At least, it is winter in the northern hemisphere. And I trust that those of you for whom this has no current relevance, will at least bear with me, and at best, translate this offering to your own time and your own place." It's a wee bit fresh in the Northern Hemisphere right now, and the birds are starting to feel the pinch. Mike gives some timely advice on how to help them survive the winter.
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Clark In The Park: Plant Passports
"The story starts on the British Expat Forum, in the humble but evergreen Clark in the Park board. Several queries have cropped up recently regarding the movement of plants within the EU, mainly concerning those who are leaving the UK and want to take Katie the Cactus, who has become part of the family." Mike tries to discover the rules about taking plants abroad.
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Clark In The Park: The Fool Monty
Alan Titchmarsh's erotic novels leave me kinda cold. Make no mistake about it, he is my gardening guru.
"He should stick to horticulture, though, because in other fields, popular consensus suggests he has missed the . . . ermmm . . . spot." Mike takes a wry look at Garderner's World and its presenters.
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Clark In The Park: Tattie Trials
"I'm trialling a number of earlies this year, and the preliminary conclusion is that you can't beat a Duke (red or white). The proof is in my dinner tonight." Mike Clark, writing with his mouth full, boasts about his success this year with his new tatties.
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Clark In The Park: The Henrik Larssens of the Veggy Plot
"It's the only thing Baldrick and I have in common. Honest. This obsession with the turnip. I had a wee peek back through the Garden Gate, and was amazed that I had not offered you something on neeps. This will now be put right." Mike has already done haggis and tatties. Now he completes the hat-trick with neeps.
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Clark's Caledonia: Pitsligo Castle
"It doesn't immediately attract the eye. Ruined and untidy. No car parks or coffee shops. No manicured lawns and flags flying. Sorry. But this is history in the raw." Mike Clark visits Pitsligo Castle and tells the tale of the last Laird.
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Clark's Caledonia: Loch Ness
"It's not often I get email from a monster. And I would have ignored it, had it not contained such a heartfelt plea. But the obvious pain and suffering incurred in the arduous use of the keyboard with webbed feet, brought a tear to my eye. And the genuine love for Loch Ness and its environs struck a chord, as did the plea for peace and quiet,..." Mike Clark shares the heartfelt plea he received by email from the Loch Ness Monster.
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Clark's Caledonia: Loch Muick
"Droves of cattle once made the strength-sapping journey from the Highlands of Scotland over the Eastern Cairngorms to the markets of Crieff and Falkirk. The Highland weather was just too severe for over-wintering cattle. They were sold in the autumn to lowland farmers with more sheltered pastures." Take a hike along the old drovers' paths around Loch Muick in the Eastern Cairngorms.
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Clark's Caledonia: Lochan Hakel
"I strolled around the shore of Lochan Hakel hoping to see something glittering in the water. Briefly, I did, but it was only the flash of a trout as it surrendered with a final flourish to a delighted angler. No sign of Prince Charlie's gold, I'm afraid." Mike tells the story of a shipwreck off the northwestern coast which may have sealed Bonnie Prince Charlie's fate at Culloden.
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Clark's Caledonia: Fyvie Castle
"The North East of Scotland is home to a veritable feast of castles, both restored and in ruins. One which has been restored to its former glory is the Castle of Fyvie." Mike describes Fyvie Castle, owned and built by five families, including its own stately outhouse...
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Clark's Caledonia: Drum Castle
Mike looks back at the long and proud history of one of Aberdeenshire's finest castles.
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Clark's Caledonia: Crooked Mary Part 2
"The previous evening, the lugger Crooked Mary had landed her cargo of contraband. Now, under cover of darkness, the fisherwomen of Collieston put their creels to good use and began the trek to Ward, laden with gin." Part Two - the sequel: the villagers of Collieston attempt to spirit away their booty.
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Clark's Caledonia: Crooked Mary Part 1
"The year is 1798. The date, December the eighteenth. The notorious lugger Crooked Mary is sighted in the afternoon, and the message quickly carried from door to door. A run will take place after dark. All other activity stops. The run is the ultimate priority." Part One - a story of smugglers off Scotland's northeastern coast, and how they met their comeuppance.
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Clark's Caledonia: Castles Girnigoe and Sinclair
"What do the adjacent castles of Sinclair and Girnigoe, on the outskirts of Wick, Caithness, have in common with The Valley of the Kings and the Great Wall of China?" How the World Monuments Fund is drawing attention to the imminent collapse of two historic Caithness castles.
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Clark's Caledonia: Wick
"Wick is like a mirage, when you've been driving up the A9 for ever and ever. Just as you think maybe you'll reach the end of the world and drop off the edge before you see civilisation again, the road straightens, and falls away slightly in front of you. And in the distance you see roofs and spires and towers floating on clouds." Mike visits the Far North of the Scottish mainland to see the amazing floating town of Wick.
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Clark's Caledonia: Sandwood Bay
"Of course, I'd heard about the ghost of the Bearded Sailor. And so many people had said, 'If you're going to the North West of Scotland, you must go to Sandwood Bay.' I was half expecting a burger van and an ice cream stall, and 'Coaches by Appointment'." Mike Clark visits Sandwood Bay in search of the ghost of the Bearded Sailor.
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Clark's Caledonia: Ring Of Bright Otters
"Someone who cared had placed a bunch of wild bluebells on Edal's memorial plaque. They were wilting now, in the midday summer sun. But they had lost none of their poignancy." Mike takes a moving look back at the life and work of Gavin Maxwell, the tragic events of his last years, and a society that no longer cares.
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Mike's Mutts: Bisto's Tale
"Twelve years ago, I found a Jack Russell, late on a summer Sunday evening, quite unconcernedly chasing a paper bag along the middle of a public road..." Mike Clark writes about his beloved pet, Bisto the geriatric JR.
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Mike's Mutts: Bisto's Sequel
"Okay, let's go back eighteen months. My old Jack Russell - the geriatric JR beloved of many, not just me - passed away, and despite the advice of well-meaning friends, I could not quite bring myself to get another dog straight away. I loved her to bits..."
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Mike's Mutts: Jake The Dawg's Lawg
"July 3rd Chased a bus today. Damn near caught it, too. The Human let me out for my morning pee, and the bus went past. Chances like that are too good to pass up. Sometimes humans have no sense of humour..." A peek into the diary of Mike Clark's dog.
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Clark's Caledonia: Yarrows Archaeological Trail
"By the time I had negotiated the single track road, given way to a few sheep, and reached the small, isolated car park, the haar had become merely a haze. I had arrived at the start of the Yarrows Archaeological Trail. The Trail is managed by Highland Council, and I picked up an excellent guide leaflet from the dispenser by the gate. I knew this was going to be three hours or more of rough walking, and the sun was getting warmer by the minute, so I packed some drinks and a sandwich along with the camera." Mike (and his big bouncy dog) explore the Yarrows Trail in Caithness.
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Recipes: Stovies
Fit Aboot A Stoved Tattie? Mike Clark's recipe for stovies.
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Clark In The Park: Cutting Edge Technology
"For a change, I'm not going to bore you with words.
...Well, perhaps just a few. Irrespective of hemisphere, you can clone your favourite plant with softwood cuttings. I say irrespective of hemisphere, because although I am conditioned to taking softwood cuttings from June to August, the name of the month is actually irrelevant." CintheP goes all pictorial as Mike brings us a guide to taking softwood cuttings.
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Photo of the Week: 25 March 2005
RRS Discovery at the Discovery Point Antarctic Museum in Dundee
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Clark's Caledonia: Orkney
"Stromness is sheltered from the west, and thence from the prevailing wind, and with the sun shining it was an absolute pleasure to wander through the tiny streets. It is so narrow, you expect it to be pedestrianised, but every so often you have to clamber into a doorway to let a car past. Vans with dents and scratches on the sides are everywhere." Mike takes a day trip across the Pentland Firth to Orkney.
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Photo of the Week: 22 July 2005
Flora the Highland cow indulging in her summer habit of standing in a pond!
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Clark's Caledonia: The Twenty Forty-Five
"Bored now, Prince Shuggie tossed the paperback onto the cheap plastic table. Like he cared that cheap plastic tables were banned. He'd inherited it from his grandfather. It was his legacy." In a short story, Mike Clark presents his nightmare vision of a re-run of the "Forty-Five" Rebellion - three centuries on.
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Clark's Caledonia: Gralloching a Pumpkin
"When I was a bairn, in the north east of Scotland, we had never heard of pumpkins. With the advent of colour television last year, I realised neeps had competition. In black and white, you can't tell the difference." Mike Clark takes a look at the origins of Halloween and the traditional celebrations running into Guy Fawkes Night.
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Pic of the Week: 22 May 2006
Close-up of a flowering Scots pine branch
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Pic of the Week: 22 January 2007
A kestrel perches on a fence-post in Northern Scotland
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Clark In The Park: How To Grow Chips
"If I stopped a few random people in the street, and asked if they could name any varieties of potatoes, I bet I'd get a fair proportion of "Roast, Mash, Chips or (maybe) Duchesse". I doubt if I'd get many Edzell Blues or Pentland Javelins." Mike considers the humble spud - and tells you how you, too, can have fresh new potatoes at Christmas.
Read on...
Clark In The Park: No Flies On My Carrot
"Yes, my thoughts turned to spring, and sowing time. Well, actually, I forced my thoughts to turn to spring, because I'm snowed in again, and gardening seems an age away at the moment. But since all the gardening programmes on the telly tell you to do things way in advance of the optimum time, 'cos each wants to be first; and the Garden Centres stock plants well ahead of season for the same reason, to steal a march (March!) on their rivals; why should I be any different?" To celebrate Mike's first anniversary with British Expat, he goes back to his roots with an exposé of how to grow champion-standard carrots.
Read on...
Clark In The Park: Not Always What They're Cracked Up To Be
"First, let's consider the containers themselves, and their suitability for the winter elements. And secondly, the effects of harsh winter weather on containerised plants." Responding to the demands of his fan club, Mike gives us the low-down on how your containerised plants can survive the winter.
Read on...
Clark In The Park: Plant Passports
"The story starts on the British Expat Forum, in the humble but evergreen Clark in the Park board. Several queries have cropped up recently regarding the movement of plants within the EU, mainly concerning those who are leaving the UK and want to take Katie the Cactus, who has become part of the family." Mike tries to discover the rules about taking plants abroad.
Read on...
