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Category: Spain

Lesson Ten: May and Daisy, Sam and Ella

"Ees very recommendable, Meester Crème. Itch jeer eez deeferent and Chechu organize the treep and orll the restaurants he advance book. Orll hchees friend beeg chiefs, beeg discunt, and dilishoos tapas.' Graeme goes on the Seex Penis restaurant expedition - with disastrous results...

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Fiesta fireworks!

"The highlight of the week is the closing event, where the Mayor dons a wooden bull which is stuffed with fireworks. The task for the unfortunate mayor is to run, with the bull, towards the town hall and beat the string of firecrackers to the building." Bob Fretwell takes a bemused but affectionate look at a typical Spanish fiesta.

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Lesson Nine: The bonk on the bitch

"'Aksprosimately seex days, Meester Crème...ees for in-ars training. De bonk send eets members to the bitch for some good lessons.' Well, lucky members, thought I. Now that's what I call a bank that cares." Dr Graeme Porte is invited to take his English teaching skills to the bank's symposium at the seaside.

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Lesson Eight: Cooking Wench’s Lass Locked Out

"I was now to be faced not just by one straining English pronunciation, but two hundred and thirty-seven, in assorted angel and shepherd attire, with abilities ranging from upper-intermediate, through beginner, and down to a one-off viewing in a friend's house last June of a pirate Teletubbies video." Graeme helps out with the local school Nativity play - in English...

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Lesson Seven: The pain in Spain

"I placed my finger on the text and slowly read the sentence aloud: 'Colon cancer: often no symptoms in the early stages.' Manolo grasped my shaking finger and turned his head slowly towards me, eyes wide open in disbelief: 'Mah gorsh, Meester Grimy. Ees iksactly what joo have got.'" Graeme has some toilet troubles to cope with...

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