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Family and Pets

Feel we're being selfish moving away from family.

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Feel we're being selfish moving away from family.

Postby Lee & Tracy » Tue 9 Sep 2008 21:05 GMT

My husband and I (36 and 38) and our 15 month old son have just began the process of applying for an Australian visa. We have both lived/worked in Australia before on working holiday visas and have always wanted to wanted to return to Australia on a more permanent basis.

At this time we haven't mentioned to our families about our plans to move away in case our application is turned down, although when we've mentioned our desire in the past our families were not keen on the idea.

Our dilemma is we feel we are being selfish by taking our son away from his grandparents and other family members just as they have began new roles as grandparents. Our son is the only grandchild and it's likely our children will be the only grandchildren for both sets of parents. My Mum (73) was also recently widowed after my Dad passed away earlier this year so we also feel guilty of potentially moving away and leaving her with less support in her twilight years.

So why are we thinking of moving away and leaving our families? Apart from the obvious things like weather, cost of living, cramped conditions etc etc associated with living in England, more than anything we want to embark on the experience and adventure of moving to Australia while we're still young enough.

Our question is, how have other members coped with the feelings associated with leaving your family behind while you head off on your 'new life' in Australia?
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Postby SSue » Sun 14 Sep 2008 06:20 GMT

Hi and welcome to BE.

We did exactly what you're contemplating doing, and it's definitely not an easy decision to make. We were convinced that it would be to our/his advantage though, so our strong convictions helped, and indeed we were proved right.

Our son is the only grandchild, on my side, me being an only child too. We never had much to do with my in-laws, so they weren't considered. From Matt being born, we saw my parents usually on a daily basis, and they were his only babysitters, so they were heavily involved in his life. We eventually left when he was 6.

I now look at my 6 year old granddaughter, and imagine how I'd feel, if they suddenly went to live on the other side of the world.

When we left, it was on the understanding that we'd either - stay the compulsory two years, and then return, or - that they would also come out, and live with us. After five years, and two visits (to make sure that they knew what Aus was like, etc) that's what happened, and none of us have ever regretted that decision.

Good luck,
SSue 8)
Sydney Sue - Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Read all about it! http://www.britishexpat.com/563.0.html
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Selfish or better life?

Postby coansha » Fri 19 Sep 2008 12:35 GMT

Hi there, thought I would reply as subject is a hard one and it may help to hear both sides. As much as I love the lifestyle and space Australia affords my family but it does come at a high price.
PLEASE rent for at least one year to see how you cope, Uk house market is not great so rent it out, it is pretty emotional the first year, a bit like a honeymoon period and then the reality sets in. There are many lovely places to visit, allow sometime to travel around if you can afford to, I would explore a bit before you settle on an area to live, think of the local climate( is it hot all year or humid, does it have a winter) local job opportunities, schools etc.
It may help joining a mother/toddler group to met other mums and make some friends. I would think carefully about where you want to move to as it may be very different from where you come from, we live in a quiet area near coast so regularly go to Sydney for a city fix. So try to strike a balance of enough to do without it being too quiet or too busy, city life is full on here too.
You definatley get more house for your money although we are catching up and depending where you choose might live near the sea which is a bonus.
I along with my other siblings all live outside UK, my parents only had my children in UK as grandchildren and adore them but for pretty much the same reasons as you have left UK for greener pastures.
We have been here nearly 4 years and making good friends has been a little slow, swapping schools(eductional reasons, not to make friends!) helped, kids attend a school with quite a few naval families so a balance of Brits and aussies a little better, we are lemmings us Brits after all.
I do miss my parents badly, my parents are about same age as yours and not sure I could leave them if alone, it is horrendous when they leave after a visit, xmas, birthdays are pretty sad too. :cry:
I still get homesick, sometimes I think I want to go back, as my kids have got a little older I would like to return to work but locally it is very poor for jobs. I will say watching Uk does not help be warned you look back with rose tinted glasses.
I would say give it your best shot, what have you got to lose? A great experience, a life changing opportunity or living with a what if...
I am not sure if I helped your or me, but better to have tried than failed to try at all. :?:
Good luck

x
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