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Decisions, decisions...

Home sickness

Have I made the right choice? Homesickness etc.

Home sickness

Postby jer&angie » Sat 17 Feb 2007 01:11 GMT

Or rather, family and friend sickness. We've been here for 6 months now and I must admit that I get days when I think "what the hell have I done!". I've heard lots of stories about "giving it a year" and "once you go back you'll realise why you left". But if I'm honest, I don't think these work for me. I just seem to have moved to a different country and continued the life I had in the UK, but without friends and family. Things are going well enough. Kids enjoy school, we've met quite a few people etc. but there's something not quite right. Any views and advice/experience would be most welcome.
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Postby john5655 » Sat 17 Feb 2007 01:23 GMT

hey guys, don't lose heart, just give it some more time.

I moved to Hong Kong quite a few years ago whilst still single. I had no family or friends to help me, just the friends i was able to meet here. The culture gap was significant, I would say much more so when comparing with Canada. I couldn't even buy a proper can of baked beans back then!!! I must admit the first year was tough dealing with thoughts of family and friends back in UK. However, I gave myself three years to suffer as my work contract was for that length of time and i could easily just go back to UK. Well, at the end of that first three years I signed on for more, and i'm still here. No regrets whatsoever. And now I look forward to the 'pleasure' and 'challenge' of doing it all again in moving to Canada.
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Postby deppfan64 » Sat 17 Feb 2007 23:50 GMT

Hi Guys

I totally understand where you are coming from as we have been here six months too.....and I get bouts of homesickness and also think what the hell have I done. My husband misses nothing at all....and would only go back if we were forced to.
I miss family and friends and odd things about the UK but I can also see that we were not achieving anything but staying in the UK. I think John 5655 is right in that you should try and give it some more time.
It can be true what people say about going back home and realising what you have in Canada or wherever. Friends of ours and their 6 children moved to Oz.....she was so homesick that she was becoming physically ill. So one day she just gave her hubby the choice of staying in Oz or going back with her and the kids. He of course had to go.....so the 8 of them flew back to the UK and rented a house. She lasted 8 weeks and realised what a great life they had back in Oz....so went back.
I'm not saying that works for everybody....but you should really try and hang in there a bit longer.
Like your children, mine are happy here too and we moved with a 5 year old and a 16 year old......she found it very hard as she had a good social and independent life back in the UK. But she is doing well in High School and has a good network of friends.
I really know how you feel.......but I think you should try and hang on for at least another 12-18 months to see if the feelings change.

Take care

Mal
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Postby jer&angie » Sun 18 Feb 2007 21:49 GMT

Thanks both for your replies. I know it's early days and I would never just give up so early. I'll stick at it until it works out or there's no other choice left. Hopefully it won't come to that! It's good to know there are other people going throught the same things. Thanks guys.
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Postby deppfan64 » Sun 18 Feb 2007 23:27 GMT

Hi Guys

I'll stick at it until it works out or there's no other choice left. Hopefully it won't come to that!

I am sure that it won't come to that!!!! Please let us know how things go :)

Best wishes

Mal
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Homesickness

Postby peter25 » Wed 4 Apr 2007 23:09 GMT

To anyone who is having that dreaded homesick feeling, it's early days for us as we have only been here 3 months but in that time we have moved twice and now we are going to live in Barrie as my husband has been offered promotion with his work. I am unable to apply for jobs just now as my son is in sen kindergarten and only attend two days a week and no one would employ me in Oshawa with the prospect of moving to Barrie in two months time. I feel my hubby and my son have both moved on yet I feel left behind on our path to settling, have met very few friends, still living with boxes around us and I still feel like I have just come off the plane, tell me it gets better, pleeeaase. :cry:
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Postby deppfan64 » Thu 5 Apr 2007 01:45 GMT

Hi

I have lived in Barrie since last August having moved from London UK. To move from a large city like London to Barrie (and I mean no disrespect to Barrie) was a huge shock to the system and not one that I had anticipated. The worst months for me was this Jan and Feb. The weather was freezing and it was like living in a constant snow globe. I was scared to drive too far in the snow and felt very homesick to the point where I was beginning to make myself physically unwell.

My hubby too had moved on with his life and so had my son who is in SK. My 17 year old daughter was homesick too and I made this worse with my own feelings. However, I finally managed to find a job....not a great job and not one that I have over 20 years experience in.......but it gets me out of the house and stops me thinking of things. I had too much time on my hands sitting at home looking at flights back to the UK and houses to buy back home.

It will get better but it is a personal journey and everybody is different. My hubby would never go back to the UK and misses nothing about it....my son has just adapted and is virtually Canadian!! My daughter still misses London and everything British....but has made great Canadian friends...who are very genuine girls.

You can always PM me if things get bad as I know how bad it can get!!

keep smiling, it will be worth it....honestly :)

Mal
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Postby jessica » Thu 5 Apr 2007 11:15 GMT

take heart guys, this is the worst time of year - even my Canadian friends have had enough. Once April is over, the weather will improve and so will your feelings.

I also think it's much harder for us women (I know, generalising hugely) to settle because in most cases we're here as a supporting role for the breadwinner (no flaming me please ok?) and we have to be the ones chivvying the children and making sure they're content and comfortable. Also, we're less likely to be busying ourself at work. I've had to work hard to make sure my husband is aware of how hard I'm working and my contribution to this whole adventure.

Hang it there, it will be worth it. When I first moved here I worried that people would think me the weirdo in the playground, I was there twice a day chatting to anyone I could, attended every kids event at the library; joined the local mums forum. Two years down the line, I've got school mum friends dropping by to pick up my son, checking up on us if we haven't been at the school gate, popping in for coffee; my husband and I go out once a week to meet friends at restaurants or go round to people's houses; I can't imagine it any other way. It's muc better here.

Look forward to the sunshine!
"Cheese is nice and jumping is fun" Libby (age 3)
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Postby Max1944 » Thu 5 Apr 2007 11:47 GMT

depp, at least you can look foreward to Home Ownership, something you never could have done in London.

Barrie is a dormitory town and , unless you are prepared to play in the snow, Hibernation can be tough.

Next Year drive to Florida for a couple of weeks, most of us do, beats the Blahs.

Spring is almost here, and when you get those gorgeous summers, think of all the people rusting in the UK.

Think Spring.

take some night school courses, my wife took Chinese Cooking great meals, beats eating all that red meat.

Wednesday, she plays Badminton with a ladies group.
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Postby deppfan64 » Thu 5 Apr 2007 12:51 GMT

You are right, Jessica, in that it is the women who are the supporting role and that can make it harder for us to settle. I like you have school mom friends and where possible we have nights out etc.

Max1944 - the summer's are great in Barrie and we spent a lot of time at our family's cottage at Woodland Beach, a great area.
At the moment due to the job I have taken, I don't get a lot of spare time to join anything.....hopefully when I get an office based job with regular hours I can look to doing something for myself.
I didn't understand what you meant by home ownership now that we are in Canada.....we owned our own home in the UK I think we will own a house outright more quickly than we would if we had stayed in London/Kent but that is just because of the prices here and the exchange rate etc.

Thanks for your support guys


Mal
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Postby Max1944 » Thu 5 Apr 2007 13:17 GMT

London Housing is out of reach for the average wage earner in the U.K, unless you amortise over 99 years.

450,000 pounds for a flat in Down town London, 1 bedroom condos in Bermondsey for 350,000 pounds, whereas in Barrie, you will get a 4 bedroom house for 100,000 pounds.
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Postby deppfan64 » Thu 5 Apr 2007 14:14 GMT

London is very expensive to live in....we lived in Kent and an average 4 bedroom house is around the 270,000 pound mark upwards.

We are registered with a few real estate companies and so far we haven't found many 4 bedroom houses for around the $200,000 mark....they seem to be mainly 3 bedrooms.

You definately get more for your money in Barrie...but then it doesn't have the facilities like London or even Toronto has...and that is what people pay for. I was born in bermondsey and it became an expensive area once they revamped the docks and put in the new subway system. You can get to central London, where I worked, in less than 20 minutes....so all the houses in that area now are goldmines....even the council housing.

Mal
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Hoemsickness

Postby peter25 » Fri 6 Apr 2007 01:45 GMT

:) I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and after reading your helpful hints and tips and getting that reassurance, it's nice to know I am not alone. I don't want to be the whinger and feel by moaning I am the one who is dragging their heels. Give it time, I keep telling myself, persevere!!! thanks guys, Gael
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Postby deppfan64 » Fri 6 Apr 2007 12:12 GMT

Hi Gael

Firstly you are not a moaner or a whinger LOL To feel like you do and how I did is absolutely normal and part of this whole process. I actually think it is odd when people, like my hubby, don't feel any homesickness......as it could hit them in years to come when the rest of us are all settled.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing

Mal
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Postby Max1944 » Fri 6 Apr 2007 12:52 GMT

Those of us who have been here 50 years still get bouts of homesickness, why wouldn't you, england is a beautiful country, rich in History, it is your heritage.

I am just grateful that Canada has allowed me the opportunity to make the money to enjoy the country in a fashion I would not have been able to, had we remained.

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