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Decisions, decisions...

Home sickness - taking over!

Have I made the right choice? Homesickness etc.

Home sickness - taking over!

Postby mek14 » Fri 7 Dec 2007 17:25 GMT

Hi

Im new to this forum, so hi!

I moved to Ontario just over 2 years ago with my husband. In the first year, we rented a condo in downtown Toronto. After 6-8 months, my husband decided he didnt like it, and gave me an ultimatum of moving back home to Scotland or moving out of the city.
So...i want ready to come, so we moved to Cambridge. I have some family there, so it made sense. I now commute every day to work in Toronto!
Anyways..we bought a house, and everytihng seemed to be rosy, until this summer.
I suffered a miscarriage this summer, and i realised how alone i felt without my family - my parents, my brother etc. And ever since ive been a complete mess. I want to go back home. I cant imagine having kids here, and them not growing up around their grandparents, cousins etc.
I know its not ideal back home, and wed be giving up a lot, to go back, but i think its'd be worth it, just to be with family....but my husband does not want to go back - ever! He loves it here, and doesnt want to give up his basement etc to go home.

What do i do? i cry almost every day. Its all i think about. And knowing my husband feels so differently makes it very difficult for me.

Has anyone else gone through this?

Help....
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Postby AA » Fri 7 Dec 2007 19:05 GMT

Hi Mek14

I sorry to read about your situation and how you are feeling, in the end only you can decide what is best but I thought it might to help to hear about the experience of having young children in UK (with both sets of Grandparents within 2 hours drive) and moving over here to BC.

I am amazed at how child-friendly Canada is in comparison to the UK. Children are expected and encouraged to be children and play, as opposed to little adults and be cool. There are so many activities for children and teenagers to get involved in (sports / music / church / volunteering etc) and I love seeing enthusiastic teens doing car washes / bbqs / garage sales to raise funds for their group. In the UK I really hated seeing sullen, monosyllabic youths mooching about with no "go" in them - and my biggest fear was that my children would become like that.
I will admit that I have days when I really miss my parents / siblings / neices and nephews and do feel guilty BUT, SKYPE is a wonderful thing, and the children and I chat to my mum most days - and the kids hold up drawings and sing songs to Grandma etc. It's not quite the same but it all helps.

Not sure if this is any help
kind regards
AA
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Postby jessica » Fri 7 Dec 2007 20:45 GMT

Hi Mek14, sounds like you're having a really rough time. I read your post mintues after I returned home with my 6 year old who's been sledding down the local hill. THere were about 30 kids there from tinies like mine to big kids. I was amazed at how well they all got on. The big kids (16 years old +) had play fights down the hill, then picked up the little kids (including mine) when necessary and sent them back on their way up the hill with a high five. Like the previous poster I couldn't help but compare the atmosphere with the sullenness and sulkiness I used to sense back in England.

Like you we are on our own here. I don't want to sound patronising, but a miscarriage is an awful thing to go through and it's not surprising you feel like you do. We had one kid in the UK and a baby here too and it does feel lonely sometimes adn I wish I could share the milestones and adventures we have wtih the children. We use Skype a lot too :oops:

My husband, who's travelled and lived in differnt countries, pointed out that he found that the two year point was an important water shed. Maybe you're also at that important stage of "culture shock" as well as the hormonal problems you're suffering.

I wish you all the best Mek14.
"Cheese is nice and jumping is fun" Libby (age 3)
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Postby mek14 » Sat 8 Dec 2007 13:40 GMT

Thank you to both of you for your replies.

I have said many times tomy husband that i think Canada is a great place to live, and would be great for our kids to grow up here.
I just feel that they will miss out on growing up with their grandparents around. I have aunts and uncles here, who moved here 30 years ago, and everyone of them said that they would go home to Scotland tomorrow if they could, but now they wouldnt leave because they have grandparents here. Im just worried that in 20 years time, im going to be saying that.
I will definately hold off until i at least have my citizenship (can apply next year), at least that way the door is always open. I think i should put off having kids, until i feel a bit more settled. I have asked for a 3 month secondment back to Scotland (my work can send me to their offices over there), and see if that helps me realise what i have in Canada...we will see, time will tell. I just feel bad for my husband, who seems me going up and down all the time!

Also, What is Skype?


Thank you again xx
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Postby jessica » Sat 8 Dec 2007 13:59 GMT

that sounds like a good plan!

Skype is a computer - computer telephone type system which is free and can be used in conjunction with a web cam. I think there's more information on it on the general Brit expat board. Do a "search" - there's a button up there <points a bit higher up on the screen>
"Cheese is nice and jumping is fun" Libby (age 3)
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Postby Kay » Mon 10 Dec 2007 11:33 GMT

Mek14 - so sorry to hear about your troubles. Good luck with everything.


Jessica is right - we do have info about Skype on our General Forum. It's on the Making the most of the Internet board. Here's a direct link to the posting for your convenience:


http://www.britishexpat.com/expatforum/ ... php?t=5059
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