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Decisions, decisions...

Have you told the children that they'll never see me again!!

Have I made the right choice? Homesickness etc.

Postby Alicat » Fri 4 Sep 2009 11:14 GMT

Not having a good day today, emotions all over the place - so what better thing to do than off load my worries/concerns on the good people of this forum!

I was feeling very positive and all was going well (apart from still not sold house) and Mum seemed to be alot better, oh how things have changed again. I keep wondering if I'm doing the right thing, my day to day life here is ok, so why 'rock the boat?' - some of the things which are bothering me are;

My mum is an asthma sufferer and at the moment has a very nasty cough/cold which has been lingering on for a couple of weeks and I do admit she does not look well. I called her yesterday evening to check how she was and got the 'when I cough I can't get my breath, I could keel over you know on my own and that would be the end of me, then what would you do?' - I swear she is making herself worse just to prove a point!

Then there is my mother in law (groan), she has had a fall and broken her arm in three places, very painful I'm sure but the way she is carry on anyone would think her head has fallen off. Again, we had 'I'm not well and your leaving me'.

Plus to make matters worse, my youngest son (who will be 5 in a couple of weeks) has suddenly started having major tantrums about 'not wanting to go to Canada'. He had previously been fantastic asking on a daily basis 'when are we going to live in Canada'. Funny, isn't it he went away with his Grandma earlier in the holidays and now all of a sudden he hates the idea of going to live in Canada, I wonder where he could of got that attitude from????

Sorry to go on, I actually feel a little bit better now I have got that off my chest! I know they are just using emotional blackmail, I just wish they would lay off for a while.

Thanks guys x
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Postby pressie » Fri 4 Sep 2009 17:48 GMT

Alicat

I really sympathise with your situation...Lucky for me I don't have much of an issue.....The in-laws hate my guts and don't speak to us (yipee!), and my parents who I adore more than life itself are practically 'drop kicking' us across the Atlantic. They see their grandchildren every day (we live close) but they know that this move will offer our children, myself and hubbie a much better standard of living than we have in the UK. (Mum has lived in Canada and still regrets coming home 40 years down the line).

My advice
1. Remember why you are moving
2. Who are you moving for
3. Buy the parents/in-laws a webcam
4. Treat them to return tickets so they can see for themselves what a great place you have moved to.
5. Get them onto this forum and they will soon be following you to Canada

All the best ......its been a long slog for all of us but it will be for the best!

Pressie :)
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Postby Lorry » Fri 4 Sep 2009 22:34 GMT

Hi Alicat,

Sorry you are feeling so low at the moment. I remember those feelings all too well from before we came here. I was desperate to come one minute, then equally desperate to stay in England the next.

Our day to day lives were fairly good too and we had quite a good lifestyle, but with one of our daughters fast approaching her teens, we just couldn't stay. We wanted a better life for our kids, and for us.

I too do not get along with the inlaws, although they are elderly and desperately ill (they have both been diagnosed with cancer, plus other health problems) and my hubby is an only child!

I am not close with my family, so it didn't really bother me to move thousands of miles from them, The ocean between us is actually a good thing :D

Pressie is right about the fact that you have to remember why you are moving, maybe write a list of pro's and con's that you can keep going back too.
Remember who you are moving for, your kids and you.

Your 5 year old will be able to adjust very quick and easy once he is here. He will be starting a new school and making many new friends. He will soon sttle into a new life.

Your parents and inlaws will learn to accept your move. They are being selfish at the moment but they will come round. You have to look after you and yours.

Take care and good luck
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Postby Alicat » Sat 5 Sep 2009 08:48 GMT

Pressie / Lorry,

Thanks so much for your replies.

The great advice and kindness of people on this forum (complete strangers in a way) completely amazes me, thank you.

I am typing this with tears in my eyes, so as you can see even a few supportive/kind words turns me into a complete blubbering mess :cry:

Thanks again

Alison x
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Postby Motherhen » Sat 5 Sep 2009 15:37 GMT

Alicat,
I am new as I said earlier to this forum but three years ago I had two job offers and a sold house with only flights to book to go to Oz.

My then 6 year old became very upset and it turned out he did not want to go. It coincided with my mother gettig a diagnosis of Parkinsons. Who knows how this was explained to him beyond my ears but he is now very sensitive to every tremble, stumble or even angst any family member has.

Suffice to say she is looking for a place in Spain and has gone back to her normal self, managing her illness well, until I tell her our plans. :shock:

Since then he asks why we did not go. And I am not going to talk openly about Canada until I am certain that we are accepted and I will not bakc down. Tough love but its for him and my daughter we are doing it.

Chin up and hold on.
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Postby Alicat » Fri 9 Oct 2009 12:20 GMT

Hi All,

Just wanted to give you a little update...........

Well, we finally managed to sell our house and therefore hope to be in Canada some time in November :D

I have broken the news to my mother and to my utter amazement she can not understand why we are leaving as soon as the sale completes. For some reason she thought we would waste money by going into a rented house for six months to a year!!!??

She went into a complete rant (in front of my 3 year old daughter :( ) about Christmas and birthday presents, pocket money etc and how my decision was going to result in the children missing out on so much! I bit my lip and took it (you would of been proud of me) and realise that she is just letting off steam over all the things SHE will miss. She has not mentioned it since, but we have a family birthday bash this weekend (it is my son's 7th and also her birthday on Sunday) and I am just praying that she doesn't go off on one at the party.

Mother in law :evil: is now not even talking to us (shame) so if that is the way it is to be, fine!

Still a bit up and down in myself, but focusing on why we are doing this and that really helps - very exciting, but scary stuff too!

Thanks for the continued support x
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Postby Dave » Fri 9 Oct 2009 12:46 GMT

Alicat wrote:she can not understand why we are leaving as soon as the sale completes


As you imply, why hang around paying rent in the UK when you can embark on your new life?

Scary stuff, sure - but it sounds as if you're dealing with it in the best way you can. Well done, and good luck. :)
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Postby carolinedraper » Fri 9 Oct 2009 13:01 GMT

Sounds like a re run of my life - past and present and future.

You are doing the right thing, we are not forgiven and never will be by my mum, and hubby's parents have only ever spoken to their grandchildren on the phone 4 times (our eldest is 7) - they do not do family of an kind.

Just live your life and know that you are doing this for your children's future.
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Postby Alicat » Sun 31 Jan 2010 15:41 GMT

Hi All,

With a view to 'putting this thread to bed' and also in response to other negative threads flying around at the moment, I thought I needed to post with an update.

As you will see from my location, I am now resident in Prince Edward Island. We activated our PR ten weeks ago and feel that we have settled into our nice life wonderfully.

Our experience, to date, has been the complete opposite of another authors thread using the 'decisions, decisions' forum at the moment, we have felt wecolmed with open arms, everyone that we have had contact with so far has been overly friendly, helpful and caring - even immigration at Halifax airport were 'smiley happy people'!

Our children have settled into school and made friends quickly, taking up out of school activities, we have ALL learned to skate and I have had the utter pleasure of spending time with my children simply playing in the snow.

All of my children have a slight 'Canadian twang' when they come home from school each day which is so sweet, but my 7 year old said he didn't want to lose his English accent as the girls think it is cute!!!!!

Even the weather has been kind, last week it felt positively tropical with plus temperatures - since then we have had a bit of a dumping, but as I type this mail the sun is shining and the skies are blue and you just feel happy to be alive.

Obviously, leaving my parents did prove quite tramatic for all parties, but we are now moving forward and she has booked to come over and stay with us for four weeks in May and we speak three/four times a week.

Anyway, to conclude....... I am so happy that I followed my dream and wasn't railroaded into doing something to please others. I realise that I am still 'new' to all this and there maybe 'hills to climb' in the future, but for now I am happy and have no regrets - other than I wish I had done this years ago!

To all of you still waiting, good luck and do not lose sight of your dream, everyone's experience will be different but if you don't try, you will never know!

Best wishes to all :D

Alison x
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Postby Graeme » Sun 31 Jan 2010 17:11 GMT

Good to hear Alison, glad you're settling in. My niece lives on PEI with her two kids (6 and 2) and loves to reminisce about the UK. My sister lives in Brackley north of Charlottetown, she has some cottages called "Almost Home Cottages" and also loves a natter, feel free to contact them if you want a chat (I can give you some numbers if you like). There are loads of happy ex-pats out here spread through the country, many with success stories. Of course there are a few unhappy ones, but then you can't please everyone.
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Postby Buddyboy » Mon 1 Feb 2010 22:21 GMT

Congrats on your move, Alison. The "Maritime Provinces" as they are known are famed for their warm people, slower pace and old style values. If you share such values, and I suspect you do, you'll have a great life there. People tend to reflect back the same attitude that you are projecting. If your attitude is a sunny one, it will be reflected back to you and you'll see the good side of life. I can tell from your comments that you embrace the differences in things like language and are also a people person. You'll have a ball there. Good luck. And visit Nova Scotia soon.
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