It is currently Sun 25 Oct 2020 22:30 GMT
Change font size

Family issues

attitude towards co-habiting

All about the ins and outs of family life - kids, parents, and all the other domestic stuff. (Anecdotes and updates about your family belong in the Knight & Rabbit, not here.)

attitude towards co-habiting

Postby loveday » Thu 22 Jul 2010 18:35 GMT

Hi I was just wondering about the local attitude to co-habiting couples...

...wherever I look on official-dom sites for various permits, licences, applications etc I have been seeing the need to produce a marriage certificate - the area in particular where this triggered a little worry was looking up what documentation was required to register your child in school...

...the thing is, I live with my partner and we have a child (who will be 5 1/2 when we make the move to Gozo next August). Will it be a problem that we aren't married??

Any reassurance or honest replies welcomed - if it really is going to make a huge difference then we'll get ourselves married before we get there!!

Looking forward to any response

Loveday xxx
There's loads more to see and do on British Expat— why not check out our home page?
Posted by:
loveday
Supporter
 
Posts: 139
Joined: Wed 7 Jul 2010 09:52 GMT
Location: Tac-Cawla, Gozo

Postby gozomark » Thu 22 Jul 2010 20:48 GMT

As a result of Malta having no divorce law, there are thousands of Maltese couples who are co-habiting in Malta (one or both of whom are already married) - however, as in the UK, having a piece of paper "proving" your relationship will make many things simpler
Posted by:
gozomark
Site Admin
 
Posts: 14215
Joined: Sun 20 Aug 2006 18:35 GMT
Location: Republic of Gozo

Postby loveday » Fri 23 Jul 2010 07:36 GMT

Thanks Gozomark. Well, it is about time we stopped putting it off (we have preferred to spend our money on holidays, central heating, new kitchen, guess we should hit the registrar's office quiet-like!!!)
There's loads more to see and do on British Expat— why not check out our home page?
Posted by:
loveday
Supporter
 
Posts: 139
Joined: Wed 7 Jul 2010 09:52 GMT
Location: Tac-Cawla, Gozo

Postby stroppy knickers » Tue 27 Jul 2010 05:40 GMT

I have a family member who while separated from her husband, met someone new and went on to have a family. The boys are now teenagers, but still suffer a lot of negativity at school. One of the hardest things is that the kids aren't allowed to take the Holy Communion and though that doesn't seem a big deal when you're an adult and not all that religious.. try explaining it to a little kid whos friends are all getting fancy clothes and having a party and discussing it for hours on end.... and they can't have one as well! It really doesn't help when grown ups keep telling them they can have a party, it just has to be a little different... because at that age, kids don't want to be different, they want to have the same as their friends- just better/bigger.. and why not? You're only a child once and it should be made as easy as possible by the big people who did it first! :)

(I won't go into what I think of the bunch of hypocrites who would let a small child suffer in the name of religion... and I'll try not to spit vitriol over anyone lol)

For what my opinion is worth, Loveday.. I'm really glad you decided to get married before moving out. It will make all the difference in the World out here to your little girl and her social life at school. Congratulations! x
thunder thighs and bingo wings are todays speciality - get yours now! call 0800make-mine-a-large-one.
Posted by:
stroppy knickers
Supporter
 
Posts: 192
Joined: Tue 16 Feb 2010 20:18 GMT
Location: Bahrija, Malta

Postby loveday » Tue 27 Jul 2010 13:02 GMT

Bless you Stroppy Knickers! (that's a phrase I would have previously thought unlikely for me to say!!!)

That sort of honesty is exactly what I need to know. I really wouldn't want to do anything that would harm the little one's happiness or ability to fit-in at school.

x
There's loads more to see and do on British Expat— why not check out our home page?
Posted by:
loveday
Supporter
 
Posts: 139
Joined: Wed 7 Jul 2010 09:52 GMT
Location: Tac-Cawla, Gozo

Postby gozomark » Tue 27 Jul 2010 15:33 GMT

stroppy knickers wrote: One of the hardest things is that the kids aren't allowed to take the Holy Communion


Are you saying that because the parents are living in "sin", the children can't take holy communion ? :shock:
Posted by:
gozomark
Site Admin
 
Posts: 14215
Joined: Sun 20 Aug 2006 18:35 GMT
Location: Republic of Gozo

Postby pumabob » Tue 27 Jul 2010 19:35 GMT

That might be the case, or it may be that because they haven't been baptised in the RC faith then they aren't 'eligible' to take communion. :roll:
There's loads more to see and do on British Expat— why not check out our home page?
Posted by:
pumabob
Supporter
 
Posts: 1161
Joined: Mon 7 Sep 2009 22:58 GMT
Location: Attard, Malta

Postby Red » Wed 28 Jul 2010 13:51 GMT

Surely if a child isn't baptised in the faith, he/she would not be accepted into an RC school in the first place?



Red.
There's loads more to see and do on British Expat— why not check out our home page?
Posted by:
Red
Supporter
 
Posts: 510
Joined: Sat 23 Feb 2008 20:55 GMT
Location: Gozo

Postby stroppy knickers » Thu 29 Jul 2010 13:20 GMT

If you're living together unmarried with children, not only can't your kids take the Holy Communion, but nor can you. My nephews weren't even allowed to have morning registration with the other children. The reason given for this was their illegitimacy. Once my sister-in-law had her anullment and she and her now husband got married, suddenly the boys were welcome at after school clubs, Sunday school, trips out, things which had previously been denied them. As a family they can now take the Communion, they choose not to! :) I don't blame them at all.

Regarding the eligibility of non RC kids in RC schools.. all I can say is I am C of E, I went to an RC school back in the 70's, took a mini version of the Holy Communion (for me it was all about the party) and I know for a fact that non RC children here are welcomed into RC faith schools in the same way I was.. providing their parents don't mind religious instruction being Catholicism.
thunder thighs and bingo wings are todays speciality - get yours now! call 0800make-mine-a-large-one.
Posted by:
stroppy knickers
Supporter
 
Posts: 192
Joined: Tue 16 Feb 2010 20:18 GMT
Location: Bahrija, Malta

Postby gozomark » Thu 29 Jul 2010 13:39 GMT

I can comprehend the bit about the parents not being able to take communion (they've broken the "club" rules), but what have the children done wrong ? Does it apply for the rest of the childs life, or only until they reach a certain age ?
Posted by:
gozomark
Site Admin
 
Posts: 14215
Joined: Sun 20 Aug 2006 18:35 GMT
Location: Republic of Gozo

Postby pumabob » Thu 29 Jul 2010 15:20 GMT

Basically the church has a 'chain of events' which can't be broken in a religious context.
Baptism - communion - confirmation - etc.

So by not being baptised, they can't obtain the rest. It applies for life, not just childhood.

Although Malta is still deeply religious they are also part of the EU now and discrimination on religious grounds is illegal. I doubt if many parents would wish to take this moral stand and in everyday terms it wouldn't help the children fit in with their peers.
There's loads more to see and do on British Expat— why not check out our home page?
Posted by:
pumabob
Supporter
 
Posts: 1161
Joined: Mon 7 Sep 2009 22:58 GMT
Location: Attard, Malta

Postby gozomark » Thu 29 Jul 2010 15:32 GMT

But surely you can be baptised at any age, or is it illegitimate children can't be baptised ?
Posted by:
gozomark
Site Admin
 
Posts: 14215
Joined: Sun 20 Aug 2006 18:35 GMT
Location: Republic of Gozo

Postby pumabob » Thu 29 Jul 2010 17:38 GMT

Not an expert on this but believe the second part normally applies within RC doctrine.
There's loads more to see and do on British Expat— why not check out our home page?
Posted by:
pumabob
Supporter
 
Posts: 1161
Joined: Mon 7 Sep 2009 22:58 GMT
Location: Attard, Malta

Postby stroppy knickers » Thu 29 Jul 2010 18:13 GMT

Catechism of the Catholic Church:


The Baptism of infants

1250 Born with a fallen human nature and tainted by original sin, children also have need of the new birth in Baptism to be freed from the power of darkness and brought into the realm of the freedom of the children of God, to which all men are called.50 The sheer gratuitousness of the grace of salvation is particularly manifest in infant Baptism. The Church and the parents would deny a child the priceless grace of becoming a child of God were they not to confer Baptism shortly after birth.51

1251 Christian parents will recognize that this practice also accords with their role as nurturers of the life that God has entrusted to them.52

1252 The practice of infant Baptism is an immemorial tradition of the Church. There is explicit testimony to this practice from the second century on, and it is quite possible that, from the beginning of the apostolic preaching, when whole "households" received baptism, infants may also have been baptized.


Baptism hasn't really much to do with it, though. It's all down to the attitude of the Parish Priest, I think since he is the one who can decide how and if the child can be confirmed and if he/she can receive the Holy Communion. Trouble is, it's 20 or 30 years behind most Western countries in a lot of respects. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that, in fact in almost all areas, it's very refreshing to find that things we've become accustomed to seeing in every day life in our 'home' Countries, and don't like at all.. haven't become the norm here yet... but things like the attitudes towards love-children, divorce, cremation seem so archaic. No worse than they were in Britain back in the day though. :) In this particular area it is morally wrong IMHO..
In a perfect world, everything would be equal and nobody would ever have cause for complaint, but always there are things which someone won't like... this is my particular bug-bear... can't abide to see kids used as a weapon by anyone, least of all by the custodians of what should be a secure and safe place children (and adults of course) can go in times of personal crisis.
Do hope I haven't offended anyone, like I said.. it's just my personal opinion :)
thunder thighs and bingo wings are todays speciality - get yours now! call 0800make-mine-a-large-one.
Posted by:
stroppy knickers
Supporter
 
Posts: 192
Joined: Tue 16 Feb 2010 20:18 GMT
Location: Bahrija, Malta

Postby gozomark » Thu 29 Jul 2010 18:22 GMT

thanks for the explanations - if you don't/can't get baptised, does that mean you can't do confession ?
Posted by:
gozomark
Site Admin
 
Posts: 14215
Joined: Sun 20 Aug 2006 18:35 GMT
Location: Republic of Gozo

Next

Return to Family issues