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Decisions, decisions...

The good, the bad AND the ugly?

Have I made the right choice? Homesickness etc.

The good, the bad AND the ugly?

Postby Tasha » Mon 9 Feb 2009 14:40 GMT

Hi all,

I've posted a few times in different areas of this forum. We are a family of four moving to Calgary in 3 weeks time. Up until now I've had immense feelings of excitement and elation but something happened this morning...I woke up with the feeling of sheer horror at what we are doing. I think it's because last night lots of items of our furniture left (sold, given away etc) and reality really sank in. I've been teary all day today. On this forum I have read so many positive things about moving and changing lives. Everyone has been so upbeat. But I'm scared that I'll be the exception to the rule!
I want to know that it CAN be awful at times but that you get through it. And most of all, I want to know how people have coped with leaving their friends. I don't think my issue will be leaving the UK...it's more about leaving the people I love. So I'm almost asking for people to tell me their lowest moments, and that they coped! Because today, I don't think I can. Any advice? :cry:

Tasha
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Postby jessica » Mon 9 Feb 2009 16:22 GMT

Dear Tasha,

yup, I've been there. When my husband went to work, I was left at home for 12 hours with a 2 year old and knew nobody. I'd go to the playground twice a day by the library and hang out just so I could talk to someone. It was desperate. I felt like That Mad Lady every area has. I tried playgroups but everyone knew everybody else and I was sat in the corner by myself. I'd wander roudn the Mall and felt The Foreigner. I went to the grocery store and it seemed so strange. But, as some musical said, put a brave face on, whistle a happy tune and you can fool yourself. Husband comes home from work and there's someone to talk to. Child starts school and then you meet other mums. After a year, I noticed that everytime I went out, I bumped into someoen I knew. I know the ladies at the checkouts in the supermarket. I have dear friends at the school gate. When we first moved here I made sure to keep reminding myself why we came. I kept finding good things to notice - "look at that lady picking up the dog poo, they don't do that in England". "See how the cars are stopping so I can cross the road, they don't do that in England". "See how the playground isn't broken and covered in graffiti, it's not like that in England". "We're living mortgage free, we wouldn't hav done that in England". Don't phone England every day, keep away from English radio and English tv. You've left there, you live here now and you've got to settle in otherwise you'll hover in limbo between two countries.

Ooo, sorry about that rant :oops:

Hope it helped ..... :?
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Postby Tasha » Mon 9 Feb 2009 18:38 GMT

Thanks Jessica, yes that really has helped a lot. And of course I know that it will be ok at some point. Loved your 'they don't do that in England' rant by the way! I will definitely be doing that. But what about friends? I won't really meet 'mums' anymore as my 2 are so much older. On the other hand, I'm not really worried about making NEW friends as I will make a really big effort and I love meeting new people. It's more about my old friends. I have my gaggle of girlie friends here who pop over for a glass (or three?!) of wine at least once or twice a week. They are my network, my support...I know it sounds weird but they are the ones who I will pine for. NOT this country!
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Postby jessica » Mon 9 Feb 2009 18:46 GMT

Tasha wrote: I'm not really worried about making NEW friends as I will make a really big effort and I love meeting new people.


You'll be fine then :wink:

Will your girlie gaggle come out to visit?
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Postby nickyash » Mon 9 Feb 2009 23:58 GMT

Hi Tasha...I moved out here on Jan 3rd of this year so I know what you are going through. I had moments of OMG what am I doing- leaving a great job,lovey home and the biggest thing....my19 year old daughter at University in the UK....however she put it all into perspective for me when she said ...mum go..as soon as I have my degree I will be joining you!
I got a fantastic job offer at Director level and the past few weeks have flown by.The people I work with have made me very welcome and I have honestly not missed the UK at all. You soon meet people and it all comes together.
I had a day like you had today about 2 weeks before I came out to Canada and spent an afternoon questioning myself.It's very normal to do that so think positive and you WILL be OK when your new life starts unfolding.

Good luck
Nicky
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Postby Tasha » Tue 10 Feb 2009 09:26 GMT

Thanks guys, today I woke up feeling a little more positive. My friends will come and visit and hopefully I'll be able to offer them a lovely, chilled holiday! But it's so nice to know that other people experience the negative sides too...makes it more realistic and believable. Hubby leaves next week and we follow 2 weeks after that. Watch this space...! :shock:
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Postby riddle89 » Tue 10 Mar 2009 22:54 GMT

Hi
With Skype, MSN and very cheap phone calls to the UK I have spoken more with my parents (and in-laws) since we arrivd here last July , I speak to someone almost daily to the point we have nothing to say and sit at the computer smiling down the web cam!

The thing I did miss is poppng around to a friends house to 'put the kettle on' and have a chat about nothing. Once the kids started school in September I made loads of friends in the playground (several from UK) and now have plenty of friends to drop in on.

Yes it takes time but to say we have only been here 8 months I have made some great friends and still remain in contact frequently with those I left behind. If one of us gets a little down off we all go for a night out!

No regrets whatsoever

Riddle89
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Postby Tasha » Wed 11 Mar 2009 10:07 GMT

Thanks Riddle, that makes me feel so much better. Yes, 'popping round' for a cuppa and a glass of wine is exactly what I'll miss, but I've already made it a rule with my friends that a cup of tea or glass of wine will be visible while chatting on skype!
We fly to Calgary tomorrow. Where has the time gone?? I have butterflies in my stomach.
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