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Decisions, decisions...

Cannot believe I am saying this but - uk????

Have I made the right choice? Homesickness etc.

Cannot believe I am saying this but - uk????

Postby carolinedraper » Sat 9 Jan 2010 16:15 GMT

OK, so I love it here and we have been very successful in a jobs - we own our house out right and have 40 acres - BUT - I am missing my family so very much and they are finding it harder to come out here and visit -in their 70s and 60s.

Our children miss their grandparents and I do feel bad about them only seeing each other on Skype.

The reasons we left the UK all still stand but were specific to the area we lived in. We would never have left had we moved to Devon when we sold up.

I think the experience we have had living here has been and is great.

Could we live in the UK without debt? Doubt it but we have debt here. We would go back with roughly £300,000 in cash. This does not get us much in Devon. And no jobs. Steven could set up his photography business over there.

I do not know, am confused.
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Postby Lorry » Sat 9 Jan 2010 17:15 GMT

Caroline,

OMG Caroline I am so sorry to read that you are going through this and it really surprises me as I thought you were the solid ones that were really happy here.
Do you really feel like you want to return to what you left behind or do you think the long cold winter here is making you feel this way?
Does hubby know you feel this way?

I realise I do not know you well, but from what I do know, you have been very happy here and maybe you're just having a setback.

I don't think this would be a good time to return as they are still in recession and the snow is stopping alot of people getting to work and alot of kids haven't even returned to school yet since Christmas.

I do understand how you feel, because although I have settled back down after last winters depression, I still do have feelings of returning and I miss all my friends from England. Ella (my 7 year old) has said a couple of times recently that she wants to go back. Danielle ( my 15 year old) misses her family and we may not be able to fly her back this year to see them. For us, it was a one way ticket unless hubby goes back alone and gets a job first so we can buy a house.

You are welcome to pm me if you need to chat.

Take care :)
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Postby Kay » Sat 9 Jan 2010 17:36 GMT

Hi Caroline

Sorry to hear you feel like this. As Mark said to someone else not so long ago, don't make any decisions in haste. You have plenty of friends on here to talk things through with if you want to.

You may have other options, even if you do decide to leave Canada. For heaven's sake, please don't rush into anything. :) You may regret it a few years down the track. Do what's right for you and your family, just make sure it is the right thing before you do it. :?

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Postby Graeme » Sat 9 Jan 2010 17:52 GMT

It's easy to become a ping-ponger, not happy in UK or Canada and endlessly moving backwards and forwards between the two. Think about your kids, what are their options here as opposed to there as they are the ones who a move back will be hardest on. Grandparents are great but you can't base your life on them, they are not around for ever-although that can make things harder as well. Is it the wind generating things that are getting you down? there are many other wonderful places to live in Canada, you might find your options are better elsewhere BC perhaps?
Think it through very very carefully, I know it is easy to act in haste and repent in leisure. We're here to support you on here so feel free to vent...


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Postby carolinedraper » Sat 9 Jan 2010 19:02 GMT

Thanks guys.

I think the Wind Turbine debate and McGuinty's blind determination to install them any where even here where our little community has over $100 million dollar creative rural economy is ridiculous as the negs out way the positives (our friend is even suing the gov on the basis of the Precautionary Principle), and now they have said the DND can appeal the placement shows just how pathetic it all is. So it has no helped.

But I think in reality it is just the grandparent thing.

I feel better now. And there would / will be no rush decision made. I am being hormonal as I am pregnant with our 4th child and so it just makes you think more about family.

If my parents would contemplate moving here it would help but they live in one of the tourist hot spots in UK so are unlikely to swap South Hams and growing Bannana plants for minus 28 plus wind chill!!!!!

Thanks for listening, sometimes that is all it takes.

If we ever did go back I would say it would not be for another 5 years any way, and lots can change in that time.

We would never ping pong, my trouble is I am a traveller and love experiences, and so can just up sticks. Thing is when you have children its never a good idea to be selfish.
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Postby Dave » Sat 9 Jan 2010 20:24 GMT

Caroline, thanks for having the confidence in us to let us know how you feel. :-)

It sounds as if you're not planning to rush into anything, and I'm sure that's the best way forward. But if you need some sympathetic ears further down the line, as Graeme says, feel free to vent. You're right - sometimes all it takes is knowing that someone else is listening.
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Postby jessica » Sun 10 Jan 2010 21:54 GMT

:oops:

Funny you should bring that up Caroline. I've been thinking things like that too. Except I think, for me, it's passing wistfulness and missing things like old buildings and hedges added to frustration about the terrible driving and lack of environmental arwareness (as far as I can see anyway). I don't miss family and friends. And we would go back too with about GBP300,000 which wouldn't buy us anything. We'd go back to ?? and do ??. I asked Al, my husband, and he said no way, I'm never going back to England. And I should face it, I do way more here than I did in England. Here I'm active in local politics and community, learning lots of stuff about self-suffiicency, food preservation etc. I'm involved in some great groups which wouldn't have been possible where we were in England. And although we wouldn't have to go back to "where we were", I don't know where else we'd go.....

So I'm going to wait until the weather warms up, keep doing my stuff and it'll pass.

Congratulations Caroline! When is the baby due?
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Postby carolinedraper » Mon 11 Jan 2010 02:31 GMT

Steven is also - No way.

I felt better today as we had a sledging party for Aaron's 1st birthday and it was super fun. It will past I know and feel that deep inside. And I love where we live. Just miss my parents and they will not be around forever.

Baby is due in August so early days still.
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Postby Kay » Mon 11 Jan 2010 12:58 GMT

Sorry, Caroline. I was so concerned about your dilemma that I forgot to say "congratulations" too, so I came back now to do it and found that Jessica had beaten me to it.

All the best. 8)
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Postby Dave » Mon 11 Jan 2010 13:00 GMT

Same here :oops:

Congratulations and all the very best to you all!
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Postby Buddyboy » Mon 11 Jan 2010 22:04 GMT

Congratulations on your pending addition, Caroline. I'm glad to hear you are in no rush to do anything drastic regarding going back to the UK. I am sure that the roots you have put down here will grow the longer you are here, but missing family and friends is a tough one. You will not lose your good friends though. We have been here 35 years and we are still very close to friends back in the UK, even holidaying with some quite regularly. Missing family is tough. We went back for visits as often as we could and many came here to visit over the years, but it is different. I can echo what Jessica said about doing so much more here than I would ever have done in the UK, and then some. Try and stay with it. You have many friends here at BE and elsewhere pulling for you. There is much for you yet to discover here on this side of the pond.
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Postby carolinedraper » Mon 11 Jan 2010 23:22 GMT

Thanks guys. I am much better today, it has helped that my mum has suprised us with booking tickets to come out on 31st Jan until mid Feb. She has also announced that her and dad will be over for Xmas. We have also changed plans a bit for the farm which means we get to spend more time as a family together - we are expanding into Pinot Noir Grapes as we have the soil and a South East facing slope!! We will graze the lambs through the vines as weed repellers so its much less for us to do - minimal livestock but better return for the land. We already have a few VQA people wanting to draw contracts up to buy the grapes as our bricks will be in the mids to high 20s due to the slope etc.

I can feel my crisis ending. Sometimes all it takes is talking.
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Postby jessica » Mon 11 Jan 2010 23:51 GMT

Yes you're right. Sometimes just bringing it out into the open and looking at it helps a lot.

Great idea for the grapes adn good news about VQA!

Take care ok?
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Postby Kay » Tue 12 Jan 2010 06:14 GMT

Wow! I like the idea of growing grapes. Pinot noir? Excellent. Pinot noir, Chardonnay, and Pinot meunier are the grapes used for Champagne! Good luck.

Grazing the lambs through the vines to keep the weeds down sounds like a fantastic idea too.

Glad to know you're getting through your temporary crisis. :D
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Postby Lorry » Tue 12 Jan 2010 18:18 GMT

Hi Caroline, I am pleased you are feeling better about things, I know you totally love it here and feel you may regret moving back in years to come :D

Congratulations on the pregnancy, I too missed that bit of news :oops:

I was just out walking the dog on the frozen lake, throwing the stick and letting him run. It's freezing out but the sun is out and the sky is blue. So much space and so quiet, it makes me remember why I love it here! :D

Good luck
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