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Intelligence Test

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Intelligence Test

Postby Squiffy » Mon 4 Aug 2003 12:21 GMT

How's your aging intelligence? Take the following test here and
determine if you are losing it or are still "with it." The spaces are
so you don't see the answers until you have made your own....
OK, relax, clear your mind and.... begin.

===========

1. What do you put in a toaster?
















The answer is "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go do
something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to
Question 2.

2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?
















Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt
the next question. Your brain is obviously over stressed and may even
overheat.

It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more
appropriate such as "Children's World." If you said, "water" then
proceed to Question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from
blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house
is made from black bricks, what is a greenhouse made from?















Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks,"
what the devil are you still doing here reading these questions??
If you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.

4. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60 of a degree every minute then
how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?















Answer: One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything other than
"one degree," you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you
are obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in and exit the room.

Everyone else proceed to the final question.

5. Without using a calculator -- You are driving a bus from London to
Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In
Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon,
two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16
people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on.
In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at
Milford Haven.






Proceed ...





What was the name of the bus driver?















Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember? It was YOU!

Now pass this along to all your "friends" and hope they do better than
you did!
Squiffy - Laugh for MS - : http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/
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Postby Rich » Mon 4 Aug 2003 14:51 GMT

You are driving a bus from London to
Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In
Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon,
two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16
people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on.
In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at
Milford Haven.


Come on, that's blatantly unealistic. I'd guess something along the lines of

"It's Saturday. You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 25 people ask if this is the bus to Market Harborough / Maidenhead or Tooting Broadway, then get off. 6 ask if it goes to Cardiff. Another 4 ask if it goes to Milford Haven. When you say yes, just like it says on the front, they ask if that's anywhere near Golders Green.

At Calcot Coachway (for Reading, but actually a bus stop on the M4), six people get off the bus and nine people get on. 5 of those who got off turn around and ask how the f*** do I get to Reading town centre and why do you stop at a converted cowshed instead of the town centre. The other says that he was trying to get to Yeading.

Four hours later after being stuck in traffic jams on the M4, you see a sign pointing to Swindon, so pull out and put your foot down to get past it as quickly as possible. You tell the 2 loud American's who start to complain that they wanted to get off in Swindon that they will thank you for it in the long run, and that the magic roundabout is actually a cartoon, not a road junction.

Halfway over the Severn bridge the bus engine expires in a cloud of smoke. After a 7 hour delay in the pissing rain and gale force crosswinds, another bus arrives which you and the passengers are switched onto. You take your tachometer and throw it out the window and continue.

In Cardiff some people get and and others off, but you don't care how many or even if they have a ticket. You were supposed to be home 3 hours ago, and the Rugby is just starting. And you aren't in the pub.

In a desperate attempt to cover the last 150km in time to see the the second half at least, you go all out to break the land speed record. Further roadwaorks at Port Talbot, however, put pay to the plan. And the fact you have to sit there looking at a pig ugly Steel works for 3 hours doesn't help either.

In Swansea you go around the one way system at least 7 times before being sling-shot out in the direction you came from and before you know it, your back on the motorway at Port Talbot.

Several hours and numerous circulations of the Swansea one way system later, you finally manage to crawl into the bus station. It's about 3am, and you were due in Milford Haven at 2 o clock the day before yesterday. The two loud Americans ask you when your due to arrive in Swindon.
After waking the passengers up by spraying them with liquid from a fuel hose and walking up and down the bus smoking a cigarete, some people get off, some get on, some sleep and some burn.

In Carmathen, you arrive as they are setting up for the weekly market. two semi comatose people crawl off the bus, but of more interest are the dozen sheep who jump on the bus as soon as the door opens. After removing 4 sheep, realising the rest won't budge and somehow also aquiring a goat, 3 heifers and about 50 chickens you realise the futility of everything and head off again, get 100 feet across the car park and get swamped by cows running amok over the road.

6 hours later the market begins to clear up and you seize the opportunity to make a dash for it. Somewhere out past Whitland, the bus runs out of fuel. The nearest garage is closed. The next closest is in Rosslare. There are no public phones and you are in an area with no mobile reception.

You walk 15miles until finding a phone. Your company says it will send a replacement bus, just that you have to tell them where you broke down. You say Wales. After a 45mile hike, you finally find your bus again. Two Americans are complaining the they are vegetarians, a large bail of hay is burning out of control in the adjacent field whilst four other passengers are eating what looks like roast sheep and chicken.

You consider walking back to the phone to inform the fire brigade that your bus is on fire, but just can't be asked. Late the next day, your replacement bus arrives. After you strangle and mutilate you colleague for asking if you saw the great game at the weekend, you shepherd the remaining passengers, heifer, 1 remaining sheep and surprisngly few chickens and ignoring altercations with 2 trees, a lamp post and a combine Harvester, you limp into Milford Haven at some point on Friday evening. 2 Americans ask you how far Swindon is, one girl remarks that it doesn't normally take this long to get to Golders Green. You look at the bus and discover the destination plate reads Market Harborough. But on the plus point you don't have to wait long before the return rugby game starts and the baby chikcne look kind of cute. You haven't slept in a week and some idiot asks you what the name of the bus driver is. You just shrug. How the heck are you supposed to remember technical details like that? You just want a beer. "


Don't ask. :cry: It was a very bad week
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Postby Squiffy » Mon 4 Aug 2003 15:18 GMT

Struck a cord there did I "King of the Wool"???? :twisted: :viol:
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Postby Squiffy » Mon 4 Aug 2003 15:19 GMT

Kay, can we have Rich's reply in BOHOF?? :lol:
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Postby Kay » Mon 4 Aug 2003 15:50 GMT

Kay, can we have Rich's reply in BOHOF??


Nope. That board is for Best Of House Of Fun, and it wasn't in the HOF, therefore it can't go in the BOHOF. (Such pedantry, I'm definitely spending too much time with you know who - and I don't mean Lord Voldemort.)

This is the Expat Chat board - in case you haven't noticed - and we don't have a Best Of Expat Chat. :roll: :twisted:

Anyway, I'm the only person that posts to the BOHOF. Gimme a break. :P

:D

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Postby Rich » Mon 4 Aug 2003 15:55 GMT

Gimme a break


Neck? leg? Rib? Kit-kat?
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Postby Kay » Mon 4 Aug 2003 16:07 GMT

Gimme a break


Neck? leg? Rib? Kit-kat?


Don't be daft, Rich - snooker, of course :roll:

Think I'll go out and give Dave a thrashing. Once he's fixed up the top of the forum page. :D
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Postby justajester » Mon 4 Aug 2003 19:19 GMT

Well, it appears that the "grandma moments" haven't taken me completely over yet, because i got them ALL right!! Nyah, nyah, Squiffy!! :P
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Postby Squiffy » Mon 4 Aug 2003 21:42 GMT

nora wrote:Well, it appears that the "grandma moments" haven't taken me completely over yet, because i got them ALL right!! Nyah, nyah, Squiffy!! :P


Beginners luck :lol:
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Postby Rich » Tue 5 Aug 2003 08:15 GMT

Beginners luck


No, probably just her old age memory is so bad that she counldn't remember that she'd got the last question wrong and continued anyway :twisted:
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Postby Squiffy » Tue 5 Aug 2003 15:16 GMT

Knowing Nora, you are probably right :twisted: :twisted:
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Postby justajester » Tue 5 Aug 2003 15:53 GMT

Tee hee, that MIGHT have been the case had i been alone when i did it, but i had a friend here with me at the time, so again...nyah nyah, Squiffy!
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Postby Squiffy » Tue 5 Aug 2003 15:56 GMT

nora wrote:Tee hee, that MIGHT have been the case had i been alone when i did it, but i had a friend here with me at the time, so again...nyah nyah, Squiffy!

Were they from "Help The Aged" perchance??? :twisted:
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Postby justajester » Tue 5 Aug 2003 15:59 GMT

Squiffy wrote:
nora wrote:Tee hee, that MIGHT have been the case had i been alone when i did it, but i had a friend here with me at the time, so again...nyah nyah, Squiffy!

Were they from "Help The Aged" perchance??? :twisted:


ooo...you are just soooooooooo nasty! :P
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Postby Squiffy » Tue 5 Aug 2003 16:12 GMT

nora wrote:
Squiffy wrote:
nora wrote:Tee hee, that MIGHT have been the case had i been alone when i did it, but i had a friend here with me at the time, so again...nyah nyah, Squiffy!

Were they from "Help The Aged" perchance??? :twisted:


ooo...you are just soooooooooo nasty! :P


Tee hee, but lovable with it :wink: Had a Timmy's yet today?
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