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British Expat Newsletter:
31 January 2004

Hello, and welcome to those who have joined up since our last newsletter.

In this issue

  • This week: Clinton’s emails; smoking ban
  • Virtual Snacks
  • Sponsor
  • Bizarre Searches
  • Joke and quotation

This week

Well, here we are at last with our first newsletter of 2004. Belated Happy New Year to you, and Gong Xi Fa Cai for anyone reading in China, Hong Kong or Taiwan (or indeed anywhere where they celebrate the Chinese New Year). Sorry it’s been so long since the last.

On the other hand, even if we haven’t sent out this email newsletter for a while we’ve still got a better record than Bill Clinton. It emerged this week that during the whole eight years of his Presidency he sent only two emails. One was a test message simply to see if the system worked. The other was a message sent to astronaut-turned-politician-turned-astronaut-again John Glenn aboard the Space Shuttle, congratulating him for his return to space after a 40-year gap (he became the first man to orbit the earth, in 1961). No-one could accuse Bill of spamming, then.

As some of you will know, Irish bars were supposed to be banning smoking from 1 January. It can’t have come as a great surprise to anyone that the introduction of the ban had to be postponed following an outcry from much of Ireland’s drinking public and the publicans serving them. But how long the postponement will last is anyone’s guess – hotels, bars and restaurants in the Netherlands have managed to win a reprieve from a similar ban only until 2005. And apparently the Scottish Executive, the Welsh Assembly and Liverpool City Council are now considering banning smoking in public places – although Scottish First Minister Jack McConnell says he doesn’t have in mind to include a complete ban in pubs and restaurants.

Virtual Snacks

Just a couple of suggestions if you have a little time to spare:

Ever think that quantity has triumphed over quality in TV? Do you miss all the programmes you used to enjoy as a kid? Or are you (like Dave) the kind of anorak who waxes nostalgic about the old ATV jingle? Plenty here to get your teeth into, then:

On the other hand, if it’s a decent pint you’re after (even if it’s only a virtual pint) then you might like to try:

Bizarre Searches

Some strange search terms which have led people to visit British Expat recently:

  • british balls magazine (4)
  • haggis cartoon (4)
  • microscopes and sex do they mix? (4)
  • what are the canadan lifestyle? (3)
  • ryan giggs virus (2)
  • nothing but body paint (2)
  • one fact about nightmares (3)
  • a guffy (2)
  • frensh anal six (2)

Till next time…
Happy surfing!

British Expat Magazine


“If alcohol is queen, then tobacco is her consort. It’s a fond companion for all occasions, a loyal friend through fair weather and foul. People smoke to celebrate a happy moment, or to hide a bitter regret. Whether you’re alone or with friends, it’s a joy for all the senses. What lovelier sight is there than that double row of white cigarettes, lined up like soldiers on parade and wrapped in silver paper? I love to touch the pack in my pocket, open it, savour the feel of the cigarette between my fingers, the paper on my lips, the taste of tobacco on my tongue. I love to watch the flame spurt up, love to watch it come closer and closer, filling me with its warmth.”

– Luis Buñuel, film director (1900-83)


An Iraqi football player signs for Liverpool and comes on at half-time for his debut. Although Liverpool are 4-0 down, he scores five in the second half and wins the match for them.

Straight after the game he phones his mum from the dressing room and tells her all about it. After he’s described every goal in detail, he asks, “How’s things at home?”

She says, “Well, the house has been looted, the car’s been torched and your Dad’s been shot.”

He says, shocked, “Hell, Mum, I’m really sorry.”

She retorts, “So you should be. If it hadn’t been for you we wouldn’t be living in Liverpool!”

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