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Culture Vulture Schmulture – Q

In a feature shamelessly “inspired” by The Times‘s Culture Vulture, British Expat brings you the above titled (subtitled “Things you should own, if they’re the sort of thing you might like…”)

‘Q’ is a stupid letter. Right after I write my petition to the Canadian Government recommending that either they change to Canadans or they live in Canadia (check that, I mean ordering) – in order to conform with global standards (America=Americans, Australia=Australians) – I’ll send a new one to the Dept for the Alphabet (there must be one, this is Labour for chrissakes) reuesting the removal of the letter ” from our uintessentially goofy language.

uiz Show, uadrophenia and uigley Down Under are all perfectly functional films, though covering entirely different topics, ranging from uiz shows and mods to aborigines and rockers. None of them particularly shines though, and I certainly wouldn’t recommend spending much time or money seeking them out – worth a look if you see them on Channel 4 at three in the morning. This leaves me in a bit of a uandary, to be perfectly honest. This can only be avoided by consultation with the most intelligent man in the Universe. The only man in the Universe, in fact, who is worthy of a temporary reintroduction of the letter ‘Q’ into the Western alphabet. His name is ‘Q’. He shames Blue Peter‘s amateur creations into non-existence.

Now listen carefully, 007. Desmond Llewelyn (RIP) was dope (a good thing), as were his character’s creations. Ranging from mildly threatening pens and the like in Goldfinger, his first outing, to smart little boats and cars with remote control facilities in the latter films Goldeneye, Tomorrow Never Dies and The World Is Not Enough. Q’s creations were one of the reasons for the longevity of the James Bond series of films (though admittedly some way behind the fact that every woman in the world would like to sleep with him, and every bloke would like to be him). Llewelyn, it should be noted, was not only ‘Q’. He also appeared in The Lavender Hill Mob, adding no end to his street-cred, and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, cancelling that street-cred in one fell swoop. It was as ‘Q’ that he is best remembered though, taking techies everywhere to orgasm (another word that I’m not sure I can use on a reputable site such as this. That said, it is a medical term of which I’m sure MediBroker would approve) during 16 different films.

It is no coincidence, I’m sure, that the most financially successful Bond film (74,000,000 people saw it at the flicks, it took $63.6m) is the one in which Q’s gadgetry first took centre stage. Alongside the ‘ladies’, the technical brilliance of the films is what will go down in history. Q the character was a creation of genius, a stuffy English scientist (shame they had to get a Welshman, very poor acting stock – what did I say last time about the views expressed here?) who secretly loved his toys being destroyed, gave him an excuse to dream up something even wilder.

As an aside, Eddie Izzard’s thoughts on the matter (as with pretty much all of his thoughts) are hilarious, they’re on Definite Article (I’d quote, but we have another power cut here – 11 in 6 days and counting…) and really well worth investing in.

Kudos to Kay for the new-look site. It’s a privilege to be associated with Just thought I’d praise her for a minute, and I’m not even drunk.

‘R’ coming your way soon. Duck.

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