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Royal Navy Reports

submitted by Mr Tim

The form used for Royal Navy and Royal Marines officer fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts from them:

# His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

# I would not breed from this Officer.

# This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won’t-be.

# When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

# He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.

# He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

# Technically sound, but socially impossible.

# This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope – always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

# This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

# When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.

# This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

# Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.

# She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

# He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

# This Officer should go far – and the sooner he starts, the better.

# In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.

# The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

# Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

# This man is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot. [The Ed – don’t we all know someone who fits that description?!!!]

PG Author: Kay McMahon

Kay has been an expat for nearly 30 years. She set up the British Expat website back in early 2000, whilst living in London and missing the expat life. These days she spends much of her time lugging computers and cameras around the world. (Dave gets to deal with all the really heavy stuff.)

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