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British Expat Newsletter:
8 October 2008

Hello, and welcome to those who have joined up since our last newsletter.

In this issue

  • This week: Letter from Dennis the BE dog
  • Write for British Expat
  • Virtual Snacks
  • Sponsor
  • Bizarre Searches
  • Quotation and joke

This week

Some of you may be aware that BE sponsored a dog recently – Dennis on Gozo. You might wonder why on earth we would choose a dog on Gozo to be the British Expat dog. Well, our Malta forum moderator, GozoMark, a Gozo SPCA volunteer, can be very persuasive. Plus there’s the fact that it’s very hard to look at Gozo SPCA’s page of animals who need homes without feeling moved to help. Try it for yourself!

As well as a certificate of sponsorship, information about and photos of the animal you sponsor, you also get a letter from your “pet”. The one we received was superb and I wanted to share it with you. Here it is:

Hello Everyone at British Expat

I cannot tell you how pleased I am that I am to be your special sponsor dog – what an honour it is to be your first. Do you think any other dog has ever been sponsored by a web site ? Maybe not, in which case I am even happier.

You know my name is Dennis and you obviously chose me as I am such a super-duper good looking sort of a guy. I am not very tall so the other guys tease me a bit. I am now five years old and would you believe that I have been at the Gozo SPCA Shelter for three years now? Yes, I know, you would have thought that everyone would have been clamouring to take me so what went wrong? Well, people want tiny dogs or fluffy dogs or white dogs or big dogs but they never seem to want “Dennis” dogs and I get sort of overlooked. I have seen dozens and dozens come and go, but Dennis is still here.

Do I feel sorry for myself? Well, sometimes just a little bit, but then I am looked after so well and everybody loves me. Summer is especially good for me when the kids are on holiday and I have one special friend from the UK called Hector who is 8 and he is also my sponsor. We go to the annual dog show together and last year I was second in the class for non-pedigrees. By the way, he and I feature on the cover of our 2009 calendar, which everyone agrees is our best ever.

You may have heard that I am already a bit of a superstar, having featured recently with our Manager Betty (she who must be obeyed) on a live TV programme broadcast on a Friday evening. Everyone thought I was great and I must admit that I quite enjoyed my few minutes of fame. I am of course well used to doing the “meeting and greeting” bit as I regularly do school visits, something these Gozo SPCA people are rather keen on. They know that these days I can be relied on not to cock my leg in inappropriate places and I really do like kids, a rather important attribute on these occasions.

Although I would really love a home of my own, we are really well cared for at Gozo SPCA; we are fed twice a day and we all have a walk with the volunteers every evening. Twice a week we have a long free walk in the country; now that is what I call real fun! In fact it is such fun our walkers always have to catch me before the end of the walk as I like playing hard-to-get at the end and nobody seems to appreciate my sense of humour then – I can’t think why not!

It’s been great talking to you and I will be in touch again soon; perhaps with all this publicity I really will find a new home of my own – here’s hoping. Thank you for thinking of me and for your generous support for all of us. I heard a nice order for more yummy chewy bones being placed this morning – my favourite!

Love and licks from Dennis

Awwww! Wasn’t it a great letter?

I know we have a lot of animal lovers among our readers and many of you have pets – in many cases one you’ve chosen from a rehoming centre. But it’s not always practical for people to have pets of their own. Dave won’t let me have a dog because he says I have enough trouble looking after myself never mind anyone or anything else. But pet sponsorship is a nice way to get some of the joy of having a pet without taking on the day to day responsibilities.

Do you have anything to say about this topic? Or do you have some suggestions for other issues we might discuss in our weekly email? Why not comment and tell us?

Virtual Snacks

Just a few suggestions if you have a little time to spare:

We featured Dennis as our Pic of the Week not so very long ago.

You can read about Gozo SPCA and all their great work for animals on Gozo – and find out how to sponsor an animal – on their website.

Dogs are legendary for their loyalty and devotion to their human keepers. Here’s what Wikipedia has to say about Greyfriars Bobby, the Skye terrier that famously remained near his master’s grave for 14 years.

Bizarre Searches

Some strange search terms which have led people to visit British Expat recently:

  • huge bovine features
  • cottaging fun
  • planting carrots to avoid carrot flies
  • sillyart spouse
  • are there any tortoises for sale in new zealand
  • chinese peach figurine sex
  • history of potato croquette
  • why do i get bruises on my hand from boxing
  • fish finger poster
  • expat shopping moon pie

Till next time…
Happy surfing!

Kay & Dave
Editor & Deputy Editor
British Expat Magazine


“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.”

– Rita Rudner, US comedian, writer and actor (1953- )


This man sees a sign in front of a house: “TALKING DOG FOR SALE”. He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is out the back. The man goes into the back garden and sees a mongrel lying there.

“Can you really talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the dog replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The dog sits up, scratches his ear and says, “Well, I discovered this gift when I was not much more than a pup and I wanted to use it for the good of the country. So I told MI6 about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting all over the world, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, ‘cos no one suspected a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years. All the travel really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at Heathrow doing undercover security work, mostly hanging round near shady characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dodgy dealings going on there and was awarded a chestful of gongs. Had a wife, a couple of dozen puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The man is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, “Ten quid.”

The man says he’ll buy him but asks the owner, “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him?”

The owner replies, “He’s such a barefaced liar.”

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