“Germany is a land rich in tradition. However, every land, excepting perhaps Antarctica, is rich in tradition. And even there, I expect researchers have passed their time concocting traditions for all seasons. They probably perform their own spring rites like the rest of us, only in November and wearing thicker clothes.” Trevor’s thoughts turn to Germany’s traditional Springtide celebrations, which also include football, beer and – oh no – German folk music…
“‘Before the death of my father on february2005 in a private hospital here in Nouadhibou he secretly called me on his bedside and told me that he has 15 TONS DRIED WHALE PENISES…’ Our resident paleontologist, Dr Trev, doesn’t normally interest himself in the penises of whales. They’re a bit too fresh. However, he has agreed to attempt an approximation of how many individuals may have been castrated.” Trevor Dykes examines one of the weirdest 419 scams yet…
“I can’t tell you precisely where I am. This isn’t a matter of secrecy. It’s a consequence of my overall unfamiliarity with the local geography and the fact that most of the road signs are in Turkish. I don’t know if they’re hoping to direct me to the next town or a golf course.” Trevor Dykes invades the Turkish Riviera…
“I’m going to add an extra touch this year, assuming I can find one of those amusing e-greetings cards. If I put enough effort into it, I’m confident I’ll come up with a heartfelt template at Yahoo.com. Imagine my wife’s delight at discovering an ‘I Love You’ e-mail on the computer!” Trevor muses on his forthcoming wedding anniversary, the death of the Pope, and 1.FC Nürnberg’s impending relegation…
“I’ve no idea where that case fell down from or how it arrived in the cellar. I came across half of a booklet published in 1812: ‘Merryweather’s Concise Compendium of Wisdom, Idioms and Expressions Collected during Mr Merryweather’s Journies Around and Through the.’ I’m not sure where Merryweather had been, seeing as the cover was less than well-preserved.” Trevor goes rooting through his cellar and unearths some pearls of questionable wisdom…
“I don’t think I’ve mentioned my illustrious football career. To those who don’t know me personally, it may come as a surprise to hear I had one. It would be completely incredible to my acquaintances, but people are full of surprises.” Trevor reminisces about the last time he pulled on his boots…