Choking on our bacon

Cartoon of guys in Spain eating a fried breakfast that they can no longer call "English"

The writing’s off the wall for the Full English Breakfast and British Pub in Spain

In the UK, dozens of products enjoy what is known as protected geographical status. Simply, this means that you can’t call it a Melton Mowbray pork pie, a Whitstable Oyster, a Jersey Royal potato or Wensleydale cheese unless that is where it was cooked, caught, cultivated or cultured.

The European Union’s ‘Protected Designation of Origin’ (or PDO) has long offered similar brand protection to Spanish domestic products.

Popular news source ¡Noticias Irreales! has exclusively revealed, however, that a landmark ruling handed down by the Tribunal Supremo de España on Friday saw the legal scope and interpretation of this legislation broaden significantly.

In a move widely seen by political pundits as a tit-for-tat response to Britain’s refusal to include the sovereignty of Gibraltar in Brexit negotiations, from the first of April next year it will be unlawful across mainland Spain for a restaurant or cafe to display street-facing signage advertising an ‘English Breakfast’, unless it has been wholly prepared and cooked in England!

Nor can this most popular late-morning repast of tourists and expats alike be described as a ‘Traditional Breakfast’, on the basis that the implied cultural tradition is not that of the host country.

A senior judicial spokesman for the Tribunal explained, “The law has been made stronger for to make more truth and honesty for advertising…” and, when pressed for clarification on the subject of the venerated English Breakfast, Judge Mentiroso added: “…the words ‘Fried Breakfast’ is still OK, because all parts of the dish is cooked in fat, which is always the case in my understanding.”

Under the same ruling, it will also become an offence for a bar, restaurant or place of entertainment to describe itself as an ‘English’ or ‘British Pub’ and the Union Flag (“Union Jack”) will be banned from display outside any building which is not a British Embassy or recognised Consular Office.

Asked if the same restriction would apply to the German flag or an Italian Tricolore, Judge Mentiroso was clear: “Both are partner states in the Union with Spain so there is no problem. But to fly the English flag would confuse visitors that the United Kingdom is also an equal part of Europe.”

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