The laughably named and in no way at all pseudonymous Phil McCollum takes time out to share a few thoughts on life’s little quirks
“I do not wish to offend anyone but I sometimes feel totally inhibited about what I may or may not write on this site because of the racism issue. I tend to crack jokes about women – because I am one; about men – because I’m married to one; about Scots – again, because I am one; but I am shit scared of doing anything else.” Phil asks: where does good-humoured teasing stop and racism begin?
Phil bewails the expense of ageing – and the problems of memory loss, changing technology and ways of doing things, minimiser and enhancer bras…
“I am so glad that I am not a man. And no, this isn’t going to turn into some kind of feminist rant. It’s just that the hysteria about paedophiles and sex offenders in Britain these days is making it difficult for ordinary people, ie men, to go about their normal daily lives.” Phil reckons that the paranoia and vigilantism has gone far too far.
“Does your name ever cause you hassle? Sometimes even the most innocent name can. Would you believe there’s a TV presenter on a UK gardening programme called Gay Search? I’m sorry, but every time I hear that name I think of phone-lines to contact gay people. It’s probably not the sort of name one would choose to have any more than, say, Yellow Pages.” What’s in a name?…
“The following week when apparently I had consumed two tons (sic) of tuna, I just let it go. No doubt there would be a logical explanation. However, when I saw that I had paid 5 dinar for one wenker (again sic), I had to question it.” Phil finds that it’s not always easy to understand what your domestic staff are up to.
“This is about death and sex really… When I heard this week that someone had been astrally harvested, my first reaction was to laugh. Consider others’ feelings, by all means, but isn’t that one just a little OTT?” Phil wonders why supposed adults are so scared of certain words – and why the word “adult” itself has been misappropriated.