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Posts Tagged ‘humour’

British Expat Newsletter:
29 July 2003

This week: Bob Hope RIP, marriage and divorce.

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Lesson Nine: The bonk on the bitch

"'Aksprosimately seex days, Meester Crème...ees for in-ars training. De bonk send eets members to the bitch for some good lessons.' Well, lucky members, thought I. Now that's what I call a bank that cares." Dr Graeme Porte is invited to take his English teaching skills to the bank's symposium at the seaside.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Leaders, dignitaries, celebrities and cultural icons reply to the time-honoured question...

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Lesson Eight: Cooking Wench’s Lass Locked Out

"I was now to be faced not just by one straining English pronunciation, but two hundred and thirty-seven, in assorted angel and shepherd attire, with abilities ranging from upper-intermediate, through beginner, and down to a one-off viewing in a friend's house last June of a pirate Teletubbies video." Graeme helps out with the local school Nativity play - in English...

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Lesson Seven: The pain in Spain

"I placed my finger on the text and slowly read the sentence aloud: 'Colon cancer: often no symptoms in the early stages.' Manolo grasped my shaking finger and turned his head slowly towards me, eyes wide open in disbelief: 'Mah gorsh, Meester Grimy. Ees iksactly what joo have got.'" Graeme has some toilet troubles to cope with...

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