Hello, and welcome to those who have joined up since our last newsletter.

In this issue

• This week: Breakfast
• Virtual Snacks
• Bizarre Searches
• Joke and quotation

This week

This week’s subject is breakfast. Those of you who know me well might think I’m none too qualified to write about breakfast, because I have it so rarely. I stay up late and get up late – I’m definitely an owl rather than a lark – and so I usually move straight on to lunch. However, we had coffee and croissants this “morning” for a change and it led me to thinking about breakfasts around the world.

Where else to start but with the full English – as far as the rest of the world is concerned, possibly the only culinary contribution England’s made that’s worthy of mention. The BBC reckon it’s on the way out – they covered it in their R.I.P. series in 2002 along with many other “dearly departed” such as garden decking and dressing down (although its “half sibling” Dress-down Friday is still apparently alive and well). But the BBC obviously haven’t been to Pattaya – there are dozens of places offering all-day breakfasts as the star attraction on their menu.

North of the Border, the Scottish breakfast is altogether more healthy – porridge, or perhaps kippers.

Over the Irish Sea, the Ulster Fry is pretty similar to the full English – but the ingredients are better quality. So Dave reckons, anyway. Mind you, I was pretty nonplussed when staying in a B&B once, when the landlady asked me how many rashers of bacon I wanted with my breakfast. I told her I didn’t want any as (at that stage) I was a vegetarian. “Ah sure, I’ll just give you sausages, so,” she replied. First time I’d ever realised that sausages were vegetables – even if the Brits do fill theirs with breadcrumbs.

Turkish – a wedge of Dairylea processed cheese, bread, a tomato, and a couple of olives. I don’t know how typical this was but having stayed in various different parts of Turkey, I found it was inevitably similar. Even down in the wild South East – I wonder how they got the Dairylea down there. And why…

SE Asian – congee – noodles or rice. Noodle soup is great for breakfast! It really helps overcome dehydration, and it’s easy to digest if you’re feeling a bit fragile – even if it can be a bit messy to eat. Having said that, when I have a liquid breakfast it usually comes in a green bottle with a Heineken label on it.

Hotel buffet breakfasts. These seem to be more or less the same the world over with the addition of a few local specialities. The exception being Muslim countries, where bacon is replaced with beef or turkey ham. Yuk. You can’t beat decent bacon. If there’s one thing most likely to make a vegetarian fall from grace, it’s a bacon sarnie. I know, I’ve been there.

What do they eat for breakfast in your part of the world? Why not tell us about it on the forum?

Virtual Snacks

Try this map of breakfasts around the world. They haven’t got all their facts right – for instance, for Scotland they claim that oatcakes are the same as bannocks – but it’s still a bit of fun.
http://www.cuisinenet.com/digest/breakfast/map_world.shtml

The Food Standards Agency has a very interesting site with news, resources, information on genetically modified foods, interactive tools such as games and quizzes. Well worth a look around.
http://www.food.gov.uk/

Bizarre Searches

Some strange search terms which have led people to visit British Expat recently:

• chef sledging
• feline shit garden
• orthodontists australia colours
• jeremy salty tozer
• make your own garden manure [the mind boggles…]
• english lesson with oo
• iraq dog disease
• steven seagull music
• bitch world
• monster loch ness poems
• poppadom facts and figures
• what british lifestyle effect you

Till next time…
Happy surfing!

Kay
Editor
British Expat Magazine

Quotation

“I hadn’t the heart to touch my breakfast. I told Jeeves to drink it himself.”

from “My Man Jeeves” by P G Wodehouse (1881-1975)

Joke

A 7-year-old boy and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs in their bed room. The 7-year-old tells his brother that it is high time that the two of them begin swearing. When his little brother responds enthusiastically, the 7-year-old says, “When we go downstairs for breakfast this morning, I’ll say “sod it” and you say “arse.” The 4-year-old happily agrees.

As the two boys are seating themselves at the breakfast table, their mother walks in and asks her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The 7-year-old replies, “Ah, sod it, I’ll just have some Sugar Puffs.”

WHACK! The surprised mother reacts quickly. The boy runs upstairs, bawling and rubbing his behind. With a sterner voice, the mother then asks the younger son, “And what would YOU like for breakfast?”

“I don’t know,” the 4-year-old blubbers, “but you can bet your arse it’s not gonna be Sugar Puffs.”