submitted by Mr Tim

The form used for Royal Navy and Royal Marines officer fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts from them:

# His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

# I would not breed from this Officer.

# This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won’t-be.

# When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

# He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.

# He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

# Technically sound, but socially impossible.

# This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope – always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

# This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

# When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.

# This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

# Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.

# She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

# He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

# This Officer should go far – and the sooner he starts, the better.

# In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.

# The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

# Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

# This man is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot. [The Ed – don’t we all know someone who fits that description?!!!]